Trad Gang
Main Boards => Prayers/Concerns/Honors/Ailments => Topic started by: Shakes.602 on June 06, 2006, 02:24:00 PM
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I have just Graduated from High School an 18 y.o. Daughter,Last Weekend, that I am Very Proud of.
There are some Major Disappointments with Her right now with the "I Am 18, and I will DO as I Da_n Well Please" kinda thing. I am Completely Helpless to DO anything, becase she IS 18.
Yup, You guessed it, a "Boy" is involved, a Convicted Meth User and general LOSER. He has done his time and his House Arrest, but I dont want him IN my House. I dont have Much, but what I have is MINE! Ya Know?
I Apologize for "Dumping" my Problems here, but Right now, Y'all are Family to Me, and I am Curious if I am Alone in ths UpHill Battle, or Not. :help:
How can they BE of AGE, and Act like they are 12?? Its Beyond Me.
Thank You ALL For Your Invites to the Doin's at Cloverdale, I Apologize to One and ALL that I wont be there.
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If you need to talk over some ideas shakes, you can PM me if you like. I was a correctional officer for a while and a councilor for those types and worse. I might be able to give you some strategies for dealing with the situation.
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Take care of the family first bud.
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Like Carroll o'conner says on t.v. get between them any way you can..they will love you for it later...
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Give her an option go to Cloverdal or move out!
Let her be around the good kind of people, if you don't have a firm fist now the crack head will ruin her
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I can't offer advice but will offer prayers.
God Bless
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I feel your pain!
it's a catch 22 situation: Permissive you loose, strict you loose. At least if you stick with your principes you are respected!
I hope she will change her mind, at 18 this is quite possible!
Courage, F-Manny
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I'm with Dalebow, "Tuff Love" works. They need our love most of all, but if they don't want to play by the rules, you have to show em the door. My prayers are with you and your family during these tuff times.
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I can relate but rest assurred they know the underlying love is there - no matter what you have to do. Sometimes you have to turn your back on 'em in order to come face to face in the long run.
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Been there an got the shirt, I gave her a choice stay by the rules or pack the car(I bought her). I kicked her out. We can't raise them forever. She grew up got an BA in Banking married a great guy and gave us an awesome grandson. And we are closer than ever... stay firm, keep loving, and always hope.
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I vote tough love... but knowing when "to hold up, when to fold up and when to walk away" is the hard part of Tough love...
You're not alone. Seems to go with the territory. As a generation, this one seems to have it pretty smooth and lots of benies and freedom..little accountability.
Whatever you decide, pray like there was no tomorrow for God's discernment in it all. Keep the Ego out. WWJD and then follow your heart.
Prayers with you!
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Thank You ALL for Your Kind Words of Encouragement. Y'all dont Know How Much They Mean To Me!!
Her Mother died in a Car Accident when my Daughter was 1 1/2 Old, so its kinda been the 2 of Us, Off & On between the ReMarriages and those Failures. I have Always Deep Down Believed I "Owed Her A Mother", Boy was I Wrong.
Kinda Danged if ya Do, and Danged if ya Dont. I would say that the Part that Hurts the Deepest is the Fact that I have Done Nothing to Deserve the DisRespect I have been getting, makes Me think I have REALLY Screwed Her Up while she Grew Up, ya know? I know its not ALL My Fault, and she is just "Spreading Her Wings", I believe I am gonna Clip 'Em, if she comes home again.
Eh, her Makeup and Hair Stuff is still here, she will be back. ;) I am Seeing a Councilor (sp) from the Knee Damage/Disability/Court Room garbage anyway, and he is a Good Man. I have a lot of faith in this one, after the last Quacker I saw........Whoa. :scared: All of HER Dogs Werent a'Barkin', if ya know what I mean. Wooooo, some Odd Ducks out there. :thumbsup:
THANK YOU ALL!! MY TradGang FAMILY!! There isnt a Better "GANG" In The World!! :notworthy: :notworthy:
A Very Grateful, and UpLifted,
Shakes.602
God Bless ALL of YOU!!
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NObody is owed anything in life but to have the chance to come to Christ...
Parenting isn't an exact science... like choosing a mate, parenting is one of them "trial and error" things you kinda grope through and when you think you might have gotten it right, the kids are likely to be trying to figure out how to break their bonds of dependency and prove more to themselves than you that they can actually make it on their own...
All those hormones raging through em..makes me wonder how any of us ever survived.
Hold her up in prayer, Hoss. Treat her like you believe in her, but hold her totally accountable for her actions...that is what "independent" people get the privilage of doing...being accountable...
That means, "you don't own it and paid for it, you don't have it..." and the list goes on... better to show em hardship with a safety net but never forget... "forgive as we are forgiven" ain't just words in a prayer... :) They're for keeps.
You admit making some mistakes along the way,... and she deserves to do the same. Hang in and keep the Son in your eyes.
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Shakes,
Proverbs would be a good book for you to read again as it deals alot with raising children and the rights and wrongs of our choices in life. God bless and keep the faith!
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Heavanly Father, Please forgive me my sins and hear my prayer. I lift my brother up to you and his daughter also I ask you to heal the rift between them. Open the daughters eyes to her father's love and your love for her Father God. Make her realize that her father and you only have the best intentions for her. Open her eyes to the slow death that is drug use. Wake her up to the danger she is in. Bring her home Father God, to the father that loves her. Restore this family I pray. Bless them and make them whole, happy and healthy in Jesus Holy and Precious Name. To you be all the Glory and Honor Lord, for only you are worthy. I praise you and thank you for the gift of prayer. I thank you and praise you for amswered prayers. Amen and Amen.
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Having children scares me more than anything, and I aspire to hunting grizzly bear with my longbow. You can only show a person the paths available to them in life, you cannot choose the path for them. Sometimes people choose bewildering detours, but a good percentage of the time, they come back, it may just be a long detour. Keep the faith, but stand your ground! It is YOUR house afterall.
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Bill, I think that ALL these guys on here got it right! Being a teen aged daughter myself at one time...I do know what she feels to a point.
I did have my mom to help raise me and to tell you the truth, I was just as rebellious. I grew up here in the inner city and learned very early about the evils waiting to influence and the peer pressure is almost unavoidable. My dad had worked so many jobs to make ends meet and with 6 of us kids, it was tough on my mom to try and handle us alone all day. God bless you single parents who are battling this alone.
My dad (after these years & who now has since passed) has felt he failed us many times because of our bad decisions in our lives.
But it was'nt his fault for this. We do choose for ourselves and I truly believe that your positive influence (like my dad's to me), will be something that she will truly appreciate and hold onto when she comes to those times in her life. Now that she is at the age to legally make her own decisions, it will only be for a time (this 18, I'm an adult now) and the reality of adulthood will set in where she will start to understand what it is. So while she is going through this now, stay firm and be her dad no matter what because being dad will never lose...and I am praying that you find a good counselor that will help in this uphill battle.
I truly appreciate you for not giving up on her and pray that you stay firm with her on her attitude and decisions. You can be a friend to her but you are her dad first and she will love you for it always even though it does'nt seem that way now. I know this first hand.
This goes for all you dads out there, you are doing the right thing in raising your daughters with love, kindness and understanding but most of all, love. They will have no need in finding it somewhere else.
Shell
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Bill, I know a lot of folks going through the very same situation right now. Just remember this, you have to pick your battles to win the war, especially with teenagers!
Let her know your concerns but also that you will be there to help her when things don't turn out the way she wants. Tough love is a good thing but love is the key word.
Hope you enjoyed Cliff's book! Take care and keep the faith!
JIM