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Main Boards => Prayers/Concerns/Honors/Ailments => Topic started by: Abear on August 11, 2012, 10:24:00 AM
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some time ago i asked for prayers because i had this stomach issue that wouldnt go away.. well i still have it and its been a bad week for me. i the past 4 months my life has been simply falling apart. financially im a mess.. my job is suffering from the stress im under. My wife seems to be pulling away cant get her to hold me kiss me or anything.Im so hurt inside I feel like i could die. of all the people i could depend on it was her and now I feel so alone . sometimes i feel like she is in love with another. It hurts so bad, I am at counseling and trying to get her to a marriage conseler , I dont know what i did that could justify the response . I am loosing weight feel emtiness in my stomach all the time. It hurts I love her so much and im in tears all the time.just want her to hold me, . I know i have to push thogh this, people are saying that you have two little girls to worry about and its not about you anymore, But I am afraid of loosing the love of my life and im not doing well. I went thoght one divorse a long time ago, cant do two. I need her back guys. need her love once more. every day feels like im dieing a little more inside. so prayers please I love my wife patty and kids with all my soul.. they say god wont give you what you cant handle, mabye but i feel im going down fast, thank you Chris
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Prayers sent for you.
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Wish there was something magical to say or write... but there isn't. :(
What you describe sounds like a living hell. How we individually deal with medical issues and problems cannot be judged by others outside the situation.
Sometimes, we make our own hell and you know that. How we interpret our circumstances seems as varied as those who are challenged. I see some smile thru everything that hits them and wonder, "how?"
You've said nothing about medical opinions on what's up with your guts? I had a friend in MT who had Giradias (?) (beaver fever) and was in your similar "sounding" shoes...
I read your words over... I see "I" in a lot of sentences... and "can't" and "need".
You've set some high bar hurdles there about what others will or won't do and whether you can or cannot exist.
I'm no counselor, but it seems that surely points to YOU wanting to have things go a specific way and at times, we must "surrender" 100% to His Will and just ask for strength, not for our problems to be within our coping but coping to endure our challenges.
That was a lot easier for me to type than it is for ME to live...so I truly do not mean that in anyway condescending or mean...Surrender to Him is the hardest thing in life...
Fear is a terrible task master...fear of losing a loved one, wife, divorce, death... when it involves another person's choices, all we do by focusing on OUR fear is to create 'desperation' in ourselves and our interactions with those closest to us. Desperation smells and the stink clings to everything... and drives people away.
There is nothing to fear but FEAR itself!
Go with God, Friend. May you find healing and peace!
Keep the Son in your eyes and His Will your goal.
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Amen to Doc and prayers for God's best. If your Dr isn't helping you then get a second opinion. Get rid of the source of the pain and you'll feel better emotionally too. If you keep pushing your wife to love you maybe you're missing the point that she does love you but you're attitude keeps her at bay. Kind of like squeezing harder to try and keep butter from slipping out of your hand. Just doesn't work.
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Keep your head up brother and let God guide you! I will keep you in my Prayers. Stay strong!!
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I pray for all gods best for you.
It sounds stupid but sometimes the more we try to get someone to love us the more we push them away. be yourself. Be a good Dad and a good Husband. Focus on your health and pray Patty will see the guy she fell in love with.
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I would like to add,
Love your wife unconditionally! do not expect anything in return. I think some of your hard feelings stems from how much effort you are putting into the marriage without the returns you are expecting.
Marriage counseling could help but she needs to want to do it as well.
I once heard a couple who was married 65 years at an interview. They asked how they managed to stay married for so long. their answer was:
"we never fell out of love at the same time"
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Prayers from KS brother!
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Prayers from Georgia
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I feel your pain brother... I married the first girl I ever kissed in the 9th grade and to this day I remember the pain I felt when she dumped me more than once in High School... God wired us all with a need to love and to be loved but the truth is as people we will fail each other 10 times out of 10 if given enough time... Our happiness, our worth, our importance needs to come from Jesus Himself and not from other people otherwise we are in for one rough ride... Marriage is not about love it's about commitment, the love will come and go but the commitment is the rock upon which we build a marriage that lasts... I have a spinal cord injury from a hunting accident 4yrs ago and my life was turned upside down inside out and then run through the grinder... I lost my job, my house and belive it or not a lot of my friends (because they just can't relate and my situation can be rather depressing)... I live with nerve pain that is unbearable, have compromised bowel and bladder functions and I am "completely" numb from mid chest to mid thigh... Because of the drugs to fight the pain I have had my pistol in my mouth more than once so I know first hand about not wanting to go on... For the first time in my life I have given everything and I mean everything over to Jesus Christ... I trust Him completely, I want for very little, I love unconditionally, life has forced me to lean in on Jesus for my very exhistance... I wake each morning feeling like the most blessed man alive... I'm nothing special what the Lord did for me He will do for you, but you will have to let Him... Praying for you and your wife my friend... PM back if you want to talk...
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Brent,
Thank you for your testament. It's something each of us needs to learn BEFORE we have a tragedy in our lives...sometimes, those tragedy's are life's END and we'd not get the chance to do what you've done--- Give it all to Him.
Prayers for you to continue in your blessed state of Grace.
Prayers continue for our friend Christopher too!
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Chris,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
It is no magic pill, but after reading your post I immediately thought of the book "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. If it were up to me, it would be required reading in high school. It's old, so the electronic version is free on Amazon and you can even download a free Kindle app on your computer so you can still read it for free if you can't find it at the library.
Read it, and when you're finished, read it again. It's unbelievably repetitive, but we humans need things beaten into our brains many times before it sticks.
God bless.
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I know i have to push thogh this (From your first post).
P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens my brother. And I will too.......Dusty
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Thanks everyone your words and prayers help more than you know, with prayer and my friends and family beside me , things could never be better whatever plan he has , i will accept his will. I love my wife , and for me this love cannot be broken. thank you Chris
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Chris,
There was a book I read long, long ago by Eric Fromm I believe... on the Art of Loving.
In that he suggested our view here in the Western world of "love" is more akin to trading baseball cards between kids...we give up something that threatens someone WE like and ask they do the same...and if we give up something, then we can say if it goes flooey, "Look at all I gave up!"
He suggested that TRUE LOVE is wanting happiness for the other person more than yourself.
Now there is a concept right out of the New Testament, eh?
One of those old "Confucius" sayings we bantered about as kids was " The only way to hold a butterfly is in an open palm"... and some other about a bird if it stays it's yours and if it flies, it wasn't anyway.
Best wishes. Keep focused on your own illness and getting that FIXED and then see what happens in other areas of life!
Keep the Son in your eyes!
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Chris
Man, I hope all is well with you and your family. Stress certainly makes everything tough and when you add in a medical issue, it's almost like it's fueling the fire.
I have to think positively and believe everything will work out. You have a great family. I'm sure they will stand by you through all this.
If you ever need anything or just need to talk, don't hesitate to get in touch with me.
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Step out of the driver's seat and become a passenger, if you let the Lord take over and drive, things will change drasticly in your life. I just went through a divorce not more than a week ago, and really don't know how I would have gotten through it and how I will continue to deal with it other than the fact that I know HE is in charge. All of this has made me a stronger Christian and I find peace in knowing this is all happening for a reason. Putting Him first in my life has made some great changes for me, I can't say I agree with or like all of them , but who am I to question His grace and wisdom ? It is a large step for any man to take, and I'll be the first to admit, I thought I was in charge of my daily life, and He showed me how wrong I was. I think we all have to reach that lowest spot before we start climbing back up again. I was always told the biggest contributer to sin is I in the middle of it.
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One step at a time, Both eyes on the future, Both hands in the Lord's.
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Not doing well today. its been really bad the past week or two.talked to someone I trust yesterday and told me to have faith and trust in my wife and god. The days go by and I feel good somedays but mostly been bad. I am seeing a counseler and he says to give her space and see where that goes. I have to focus and pray. . somedays I just feel like I being takin advantage of. Its hard, I hope im wrong and that nothing bad is going on . . its just hard somedays to remain positive. I WILL PRAY AND I WILL HOPE
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Praying that you receive good council and the wisdom to apply it.
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Sounds like it's still hard to "die to self" as it is for us all...at least for ME!
Letting go of the outcome and focusing on making you A) well and B) a better, more tolerant, accepting and flexible man of God, takes a lot of "letting go".
You cannot heal yourself if you're focused on the outcome of others. If she sees you're 100% dedicated to working on your issues and health... and allowing her to make her own decision...
... you might be surprised.
Bad news/Good news: What I just wrote is terribly difficult in your situation of panic. Second, you've not yet come to realize that nothing YOU do can control the outcome of another's behavior. You can only "fix" yourself. That's just an ugly reality. :(
For me, that keeps me busy 24/7/365 and I still fall down pretty regularly! Lord keeps picking me up till I start to focus on others' need to change around me...then it all goes sour.
Good luck.
Keep the Son in your eyes!
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Brother, I have seen this with some of my close friends. I wish I could tell you it turned out the way they wanted but I can't. But what I can say, no matter what happened, in time they all went on whether or not it all worked out.
I would suggest find out what is hurting your stomach. I imagine a lot of it is the anxiety you are feeling about your problems at home. You get closure on that and you will fix your stomach.
I will say that the one thing your marriage is suffering from is communication. It is the root of all failed marriages. You can't make her communicate, the only thing you can do is surrender it all to the Lord. I know that sounds easy, ut all you can do is pray about it and trust in him.
Our lives are free will. Free will to do right or wrong. All you can do is right by the Lord and accept the peace he will give you concerning this. I will pray for you and your family. Keep the faith and know however it turns out it will be for the best if you stay by your morals following the Lord. God Bless
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Chris, not much words of wisdom, but I'm with you and prayers being said in Pa.
Shick
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Chris prayers being said,GOD BLESS Bill
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I will pray for you today. You hang in there.
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Thanks everyone, working hard on keeping it together right now. The other day she came to my job.... well after she left there were a lot of comments on how I was treated. some told just kick her out , some said she just dont care , all and all the comments were very negative. I give in faith that the lord has a plan for me. I am healing slow , my stomach issues are a whole lot better and I am shooting again so.. something must be working.. getting to a peaceful state is hard but staying there is harder.The more faith i put in Gods plan for me the easier it has become. You are right you cannot control anothers free will but I am hopeing that God has the same influence on her as he has with me and that somehow the love will come again.. I will look for it
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nobody said this journey would be easy, my friend.
I'm not a bible scholar but there is a passage that says something to the effect that Jesus stated that his path is a rocky one, with many stumbling stones... so expect to be challenged.
The end justifies the means...a lesson I lose track of daily it seems, but that doesn't mean it's not worth striving for and trying.
Again as said before, you're value is not measured by another (wife's) behaviors, but by your changes in YOUR old behaviors...
Go forth and conquer YOUR demons and let her wrestle her own... your job is to strive to be what Jesus wants YOU to be, not what your spouse or anyone else would ask!
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Mr. Chris, just remember that those words from your friends/co-workers are just that. The devil will use any and every means to make you see the bad in this situation and your wife. The only goal he has in this whole thing is to tear your family apart and redirect your focus away from Christ. If he can't get you to buy into his lies he will use others to reinforce what he is telling you your eyes and ears are seeing and hearing. The only way to avoid this is to keep both focused on the SON as Doc would say. For in doing so He will direct your path in the right direction. Also guard your speaking as the devil can only use what he hears or what he sees going on in your life. See where God is working and move in that direction.
Proverbs 16:7
When a mans ways please the Lord even his enemies will be at peace with him.
1 Peter 3:10
For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
Colossians 4:6
Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
I pray that this thing will soon be cleared up and you and your family be restored to the place you wish for. Lord in your time and in your way.......Dusty
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Keep me in your prayers guys, having a really rough day today... havnt slept good in weeks and my mind keeps racing.. all the what ifs..I am keeping my faith in the lord but days like these are like daggers in the heart.. I am just afraid that if I cant keep this up we will end up seperated and divorced. its been a rough 4 months and its getting harder and harder to take . I dont know the limits i can go right now. just trying to focas on the good right now. doubting yourself or your love one is hard.but I will try to keep my eyes on the son
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Reading your posts is like looking in a mirror.
Topic is different, but the problem is similar I think...
Lots of faith, but when it boils down to the moment-to-moment "walking the walk" I let my mind try to solve the puzzle and get stressed...
If that is what you do too, it's like taking apart your best fishing reel, taking it to God in a box to put back together, but he doesn't do it by Saturday and you want to go fishing so you just grab the box and in reality say, "Give me that. I"ll fix it on my own. Ineed that NOW!"
God bless you, brother.
Racing mind, sweaty palms...all denote a lost inner peace and trust. Hope you are continuing with the counseling...
Prayers up brother...
Lord, in your mercy...
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Doc the inner peace i havnt felt for a long time. I know it is me in a lot of ways. I realize buy my lack of action when things wernt as they seem before has created this trust issue in me, Unfortunatly the persistant untruth that has been told to me has created a mistrust that im trying to overcome. Everyone lies for various reasons,some are valid and necessary. but when the problem becomes a daily occurance it is hard to ignore. I am trying doc to look at the possibiliy that all of it is harmless andshould be dismissed . really I am praying daily and that in itself has keep me on the path im on now. I have the good days and bad. We all have are inner demons to fight. The battle is not lost on one bad day it just means the fight is not over. The inner peace you talk about will come in time and with God and the courage toface it ,It will come . of that I have no doubt. The lack of inner peace and turmiol is not something Im going throght alone and indeed conseling has helped some but has not addressed the real issues involved. Right now I am praying for my wife to have the inner peace she also needs . I would like us to be equal partners again with love and God at the center of it all. Will it come? who knows. but I do know another battle has been fought and I am again focased on what I need to do. Support Love and prayer, trust will come in time. I dont believe its to late only that what we are going though as a couple will go on until both of us have the inner peace and will to continue. I am not dumb enought to believe that the fault lies only on one. I am a sinner like everyone. we all have to accept that.there is no blame , we are and always have been equal partners , BUT Doc when someone keeps thowing rocks at you will you not duck or try to get out of the way? I dont want to move and right now faith is whats making me stand my gound, the pain and emotional brusing is adding up and i am sorry for my last post but yesterday i just had to duck.. Doc I promise you that I will hold my faith in Gods hand and accept it. I will look for the Son and go on. Gods love never falters and his faith in us either.... neither will mine
sometimes you just need to talk to someone .my frends live far away and here I feel alone at times. I thank everyone for ther support but latly have been feeling bad on even posting anything here (feel im just whineing). there is a lot of pople going through a whole lot worse than me. I am lucky . I still have God , my wife and children and my health and a financial means to take care of them. Go with God everyone .
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I'm not a professional, but been down similar roads with a few... so here's an offer that you'd get from many on here... my email is on my profile.
Feel free to "whine" anytime... I promise you I will listen, but true to the nature of males, I will hold up mirrors...not because I have answers, but I know thru my journey my best growth came when others held up mirrors for me to see.
many reasons why people start to use untruths to avoid conflict or a myriad of other reasons.
Your willingness to sacrifice and endure stones, is a tribute. What isn't rewarded in this realm on Earth is duly noted and makes God smile.
With the patience of Job, you will prevail... whether with this same woman or not is only known by God...
Don't ever feel your own anguish is trivial compared to other's suffering. Hurt is hurt!
Bring it...here or in email. I'm sure there are others here who would make you the same offer...
Being in community also means standing in the gap when one is knocked down by life's hurts. We're here brother.
Keep on Keeping the Son in your eyes!
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I too offer you the same E-mail option if you would like. Just PUSH through. Pray Until Something Happens.......Dusty
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Hang in there and try think positive thoughts. If only for your own well being. Prayers sent.
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I hope that our friend has taken others up on their offer to provide off-line solace.
I received a very pained note, but had little to offer by way of directives in this situation.
May I request we all re-double our prayer efforts for our friend? He surely and sorely is in need of God's Wisdom and direction
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Guys thanks for the prayers, My world ended this morning< as far as my marriage is concerned ,Today I found out my wife has been with someone else ,she dont know I know, positive proof this time, so I have to go see a lawyer this week, worried about my two little girls, plus my step daughter who i rased since she was 7 had a baby last month she has a septis infection and will be in the hospital for awile pray for her to please. my grandbaby is sick to and we have him . I am at a loss now
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Prayers sent for God's best
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:pray:
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Chris be strong you will get through this.Will continue prays for you and your children.
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Sorry for your news, but after our few exchanges, I'm glad that you at least have closure. The unknown is often worse than knowing...
What feels unraveled is in His hands...God never gives more than we can handle with HIS help, but we have to surrender to know His power!
Having said that, I know it's true but what they don't say is that it may be MORE then we ever wanted to bear or thought (think) we can.
Liking it wasn't part of the deal...surviving and going onward and upwards is His promise!
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prayers sent chris keep the faith zarch.
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To add to what Doc said...it is in our struggles that he draws us near to him if we will let him.
It may feel like anything but a blessing, but if salvation is your goal, it is truly a blessing to come that place where you can see clearly that you rely on God for everything. Our worst struggles can take us there.
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8Crow X2
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Abear, I'm new here but my heart aches hearing what you are going through. I will pray for you.
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Abear, continued prayers being offered for you.
Shick
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Good points 8Crow and Benson,
When the love of our heart in this temporal world fails us, it only serves to drive home the point more deeply that we can only EVER depend on God's love to be everlasting!
We're all fallable... and love is not the answer unless it's His Divine love, eh?
Prayers continue for you to find peace and strength leaning on Him
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ABEAR-28 years ago I was the one who had affairs on my wife. I hurt her so badly. Her bible study friends prayed fervently for me because they understood the truth of my life w/o Christ.God intervened and I fell into the pit of humbleness and repentence. I had no strengh left so it wasnt about trying harder but giving everything totally to Crist and his finished work on the cross.My wife and I now realize there is no way for us to have a marriage w/o Christ as the center. No Way! I now pray for your wife for repentence.I pray for you that you would receive the only real peace Jesus Christ.John 14:27 Phillipians 4:6,7 Matthew 11:28-30
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Lots of good thoughts being given to you here. God will see you through more than you think you can bear. I know because He has for me. I pray that God is the center of your life, your wife's life and each one of your family.
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But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. (1 Timothy 6:11)
It's the verse I focus on everyday. It's also what gets me through my days. I hope it helps you too in some way. I have to mentally flee from all the crap in life and run toward Jesus and all he teaches me.