According to multiple doctors, the only interventions that are possible for me is possibly repairing my aorta if the stitching would hold. No hip replacements, no knee surgery, no shoulder replacement, not even hernia repairs. All they can do is pills and therapy. I did get an excellent end-of-life counselor, since they finally officially are using the t-word. What's interesting is the knowledge I could go for years like this, or just drop dead where I sit.
I'm not too concerned about it-I made peace with my impending death years ago. I've lived under this shadow for a good while now. What I want is my body to hold together long enough to enjoy my time left instead of being stuck in bed, like I have been so much this winter. A nasty fall and a hip dislocation turned into repeated dislocations and swelling. I'm getting over that now, and I can walk a little more, but I'll never be very good at that any more after the second stroke.
Pray for my wife as well, she fights with her own health and the knowledge that I can't be cured or really even helped very much. She's got a positive ANA and every symptom of lupus, and I need my strength to take care of her. She married me knowing this disease at my severity is a death sentence, and she's not leaving my side for anything, apparently.
I'm more concerned for my friends and family than I am for me. I know where I'm headed. It's who I will leave behind, and quite possibly without warning. It's a lot to wrap your head around, to be told that there's nothing they can do and you're just thirty-three. God will get me when He's good and ready. I just want to be ready too.
Topic: Docs finally said it... (Read 1518 times)
