Curtiss,
Glad to see you back here. We've been praying for you amongst ourselves...keeping your old thread alive here and there. Sent you an email of my own.
If you've read through some of my recent stuff, you know I was on a major high, feeling God in every step in my life till 9/11 when the company called 4 weeks after putting me in the relocation process, I'd found and paid out $2500 for a place to live there and the movers had been hired by them to be here in 11 days!...and the they "reorganized and elminated my job!"
I'm screwed too..no health insur. Turned down Cobra, burned 2/3 of my rollover cell minutes looking for housing and networking with the company regulary on my dime... lots of other unreimbursed expenses...
... not trying to compete with your delemma, just commisserate that I DO KNOW where you are...and how lost you might feel. I feel like my dog died!
Feel like somehow, my worth went in the toilet and somehow, it must be my fault.
Folks here and elsewhere are really helping me see that when things go wrong..sometimes, it's just a satan attack to wedge himself between us and God when we're getting too close to leaning on our Lord.
I know it. I'm fighting feeling it's my fault. I'm not sure it's YOUR FAULT either, bro!
We've got to keep doing what we can do on our end...turning over rocks...but some will just be freakin stones! Meanwhile, we've got to get back believing we're loved by our Lord and He wants the best for us...
His plan never follows our timetable... and I'm thinking that the closer to the bottom I get, the more chance I will surrender totally...and maybe that is the purpose in it all?!
God didn't say he'd not let us suffer...or be tested...but He promised we'd not get more than we can take...more than we ever want or THINK we can take... but only He knows when is enough.
Keep the Son in your eyes...you've got my email if it'd help to vent...
later, bro...