Mike,
Since God is omniscient and we're finite in mind, body and insight, we cannot begin to put God in a box and say, "That is IT!"
Being in community with other believers is the Church's first duty. When that doesn't happen, there are folks who are left standing outside wondering. Christ's love was universal for all, but even the rich man was given the answer he didn't want to hear, so Christ never sugar coated it.
I fear sometimes, we who make up churches become somewhat "comfortable" in our skin and like to feel at peace with those around us and newcomers who don't look, act, dress, smell, or behave the way we think they should, are "not quite embraced."
There are "core beliefs" that God demands and one of them is accepting His Son as our Savior. You can surely have those core beliefs outside a building's walls...but without other believers, I know it is a bit more of a challenge to maintain.
May you continue to find peace, direction, warmth and acceptance here among us.
The most important thing I've heard for us to grow in spiritual maturity is not to focus on Religion, which is about man's rules and processes, but to build and grow in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Prayers for the anxieties to begin to slip away, giving up those thoughts that create the stress, the memories, the visions, and leave them at the Foot of the Cross.
More prayers for you to find that one special group of believers in your home area where you can go, feel the acceptance and be welcomed in ways you've never known! Just so you have that "loving feeding" on a steady, regular basis to help light the way.
Keep the Son in your eyes, brother. Thanks for your service to our Country and to us!