Tomorrow Lucca returns to the hospital. This will be her third round of immunotherapy seems kind of crazy. We keep marching ferverently on this path. We are coming closer to an end but as that happens I am getting the feeling that there really never is an end when you have cancer. There is a constant... You are always looking over your shoulder. I spoke to my dentist a few days ago. His son had cancer. He was young 5 I think when he was diagnosed. He talked to me a long time about their experience. He said in a couple weeks they will celebrate his 5 years of no evidence of disease (NED) as they say in the cancer world. I said " wow how exciting!! Congratulations!" And he said well yes but.... That's the theme. My Aunt Pat has had cancer twice, twice! She has beaten both.....amazing right. She made 5 years cancer free, then got her second cancer. She said she still looks over her shoulder. Thats the reality. We will always be looking over our shoulder. We will live, we will be happy, but it won't be like it would have been had this never been. I guess that's the journey. My dentist also said something profound. He told me he hopes I can look back and find this experience to be a positive. He said when someone told him that he was like "ok...." But he said he gets it now. I do too. It's the outpouring of people like yourselves. It's remembering what is the most important. It's forgetting the BS of life, reconnecting with the people you love, and receiving the love of strangers and aquaintances. It's rebuilding friendships, learning to forgive, and refocusing. But it comes with a price. There is sadness, heartache, fear, and just the unknown. Is it worth it? I'm not sure. I have definitely grown as a person but I wouldn't do it again and honestly wish I could have grown through something else. And in the process my other children have lost out. Not that they are scared for life but they lost out on me and their sister for over a year. They have felt sad, scared, and angry. And I don't blame them. They are doing ok and they will be fine but its not fair. It's not right. A parent should never have to be forced to give all their attention to one child and be taken away from their others. I hope Ben and Sophia become strong from this. I hope that it makes them more empathetic to others. I hope it inspires them in some way. Maybe one of them becomes a doctor and finds a cure. Maybe one becomes a political leader for change and good for our country. God knows we need that. Whatever they do is fine I just hope this experience impacts them in a positive way instead of a negative.
Whatever this road holds I will try to take it in stride, remember what is most important, and hold my family close. I lost a cousin this week. He was young in his 40s. It was a surprise and a shock. I am sad our family didn't take the time to get together more. We missed out. And now one of us is gone. It should'nt take things like this to remind us we are important to one another. I don't want to wait for life anymore. I don't want visiting family to be a burden or inconvenience. I want it to be exciting. Because when its gone, it's gone forever.
Topic: Cancer insight from Lucca's mom (Read 1298 times)
