Lots of questions in one post!
am I forced to build a straight flat form for my first ASL?
No, and all the alternatives you list below this quote are acceptable and doable. However, I would not suggest using any certain shape of form to ameliorate the possible effects of glass being too thin. I haven't read Graf's book, but if he is suggesting staying with thicker glass then I'll say we are in the same camp. You can easily use the .040 on the back, but go with the thicker on the belly.
Try to keep your glass to wood ratio at about 20% or a bit more to the glass with a bit more glass on the belly. Set in a glass bow takes place in the wood core. Specifically the wood under the belly glass. The glass itself will not take set. Some set is almost inevitable in an ASL but you do want to minimize it if you want to maintain performance consistent with the initial specs of the bow.
And to build a backset form how do I calculate the curve of the upper and lower limb? Is there a standard way of marking out the bend towards the tips of the limb. Do you start so many inches from the fade outs where the taper starts and then gradually curve it every so many inches per limb length until it’s at 1 or 2 inches of backset.
All of the above.
Forms have been built in every way you might imagine. Some in an arc through the entire length of the bow. some with an arc starting at the ends of the riser. Some with an arc starting a bit beyond the end. Some with a continuous even radius and some with an accelerating radius. degrees of backset have ranged from very minor to extreme.
Just my opinion here, but I'd suggest doing your first on a flat form.
What are you planning in terms of the formula for taper on width and depth?