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Author Topic: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)  (Read 224 times)

Offline Tyler2045

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Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« on: July 17, 2008, 01:31:00 PM »
OK do I love to write and i have a very active imagination. I love to read and that influences my writing. But this is a fictitious story coming out of my head. It will have believable and unbelievable qualities to it. But would like to know what you all think and to see any of your writings if any one else writes.


   When my life was turned upside down, it was changed never to be the same again. I had thrown some clothes, food into my hiking backpack; I had strapped my big and small ax, my fishing gear, and tent and sleeping to the backpack, belted my quiver full of arrows, my knife, and machete on. I had decided to carry my bow strung to do some stump shooting while I hiked. I was just planning a two day trip into the woods on my own for a little relaxation. But there was a different plan about to take a hold on my life.   
   As I was walking I spotted a huge deer bigger than any I had ever seen, it was bigger than an elk. Which was insane for northern Mississippi.
   I carried a verity of arrows that could kill or stun just depending on what I wanted to do. I pulled one of my heaviest broad heads and knocked it to my string. I pulled the string back focusing on the inch by inch spot I expected his heart to be. Then when I could see nothing but the inch by inch square I fired, as the arrow flew it vanished from my sight for about a second then it struck the massive deer right where I had aimed. The deer took off like it had been stung by a bee. But the blood was flowing; I could see where the arrow had struck. So I waited for about fifteen minutes until I started my track. I knew I need to call one of my buddies so we could get the deer out but I wanted to make sure it was down before I called.
   I started my track to where I had seen the deer go and as I walked it seemed to keep getting cooler but I just figured it was the adrenaline wearing out of my bloodstream so I continued to follow the massive buck. About two feet from where the buck was standing when I shot it there was a huge blood stain I knew I had hit him. So I follow the trail then about ten feet from where the trail started it ended. I could not figure out why but I had to know so I kept going the way the trail had been going which was my mistake. Where the trail end is where he ran back into his reality, his world, where the trail ended is where I walked out of our universe and into the universe that I now call home, the universe where I am writing to you from. And the story you are about to read is the account of my life in that universe. What I did to become who and what I am and how it was foretold that I would come, and that I could either be good or evil and that no matter how if I was good or evil I would change this world forever.
Ch. 1
   I knew something was terribly wrong when on a warm day in October I started stepping in snow, but when I turned around there was nothing behind me, expect for trees and snowy ground. I did not have winter clothes with me, I did have long sleeves and jeans but that was because I did not want ticks, and a sleeping bag but not it was only rate to about twenty degrees. So I knew that the buck I had shot might mean life and death depending on how cold it got. The buck would mean good food, a wind break, and a heavy blanket with its’ hide, once I got it skinned. I had skinned plenty of animals but never anything that big I hopped I could handle it.
   So I continued the hunt for the giant buck. It did not take long to find him as he fell about seventy-five yards from where I shot him, he also left a good blood trail to follow. My arrow was still lodged in him so I pulled it out, cleaned it off, and returned it to my quiver. Wishing that I had a lot more arrows not knowing where I was or how long I was going to be there. But as for that moment I had a job to do and it was a big job. I need to set up camp and build a fire as night was coming on, it need to be done fast. So I set up my tent then went about getting enough wood to last me the night. I need the fire for warmth, cooking, and the light that it would provide so that I could skin the buck. Plus I did  not know what predators were around but I guessed they were big knowing the size of the buck which was about nine hundred pounds not field dressed. And its antlers were about ten foot wide if I had to guess.          I got the fire going and started to figure out how to field dress this deer by myself, so I used my knife and cut out all the guts, which includes the heart and lungs, I kept the heart but pulled the rest of the guts as far away from camp as I dared go. Then I headed back to camp and started to cook the heart for supper while I skinned the rest of the deer out, which is a lot easier said than done. I had just really started to get the hide coming off well when I guessed the heart was done, so I ate it. It was the best meat I had ever tasted and it did not have any spices on it just roasted over an open camp fire.
Bear Kodiak Magnum 44# Amo 52"

42@28 Take-down. Black Creek Bows, Banshee. 60' AMO

Nay, in all things we are more than conquerors though Him that loved us. Romans 8:37

Offline Hot Hap

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2008, 05:28:00 PM »
I think I would have headed for the house or the tavern if I saw a 900#  deer. Hap

Offline Bakes168

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2008, 07:08:00 PM »
Cool  :thumbsup:
"A hunt based only on trophies taken falls short of what the ultimate goal should be...time to commune with your inner soul as you share the outdoors with the birds, animals, and fish that live there"
-Fred Bear

James 2:19-20

USMC Infantry

Offline Tyler2045

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2008, 07:11:00 PM »
it is based off the Irish elk
Bear Kodiak Magnum 44# Amo 52"

42@28 Take-down. Black Creek Bows, Banshee. 60' AMO

Nay, in all things we are more than conquerors though Him that loved us. Romans 8:37

Offline Toklat1

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2008, 07:35:00 PM »
The Irish Elk is what came to mind as I read! Keep writing.
Mark Griffin
USAF Retired
1981-2001


"When a Man comes to the mountains, He comes home." John Muir

TGMM Family of the Bow

Offline Cherokee Scout

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2008, 06:14:00 AM »
This note is not intended to be critical. I make these observations and suggestions based on my experience at writing.
If you are a student, I suggest you take a copy to your English instructor and have them look at it. If you plan to have anything published, punctuation and grammar needs to be perfect.
Writing is a ton of fun, but if you want to be published, it needs to be perfect.
I will also add that do not give up if you get rejected over and over again. Most of the time publishers will not even read what people submit.
But, never give up. Be sure to print and keep a copy of everything you write. Start a binder or folder for even the shortest story. Never throw one away.
John

Offline Tyler2045

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2008, 01:22:00 PM »
I write for fun. Nothing more. But thank you for the advise.
Bear Kodiak Magnum 44# Amo 52"

42@28 Take-down. Black Creek Bows, Banshee. 60' AMO

Nay, in all things we are more than conquerors though Him that loved us. Romans 8:37

Offline Junction hunter

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2008, 01:28:00 PM »
Keep writing. It is good for the soul.

Offline cageman

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Re: Read and tell me what you think. (revised)
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2008, 05:30:00 PM »
Long paragraphs are difficult to follow.  Break it up a litle.

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