You can get pretty nutty with weight-saving if you want to. I used to go so far as to cut 70% of the handle off my toothbrush to make it lighter.
I agree with the other guys about the mess kit; keep it small, light, and simple. Dehydrated meals taste terrible at home, but are gormet in the mountains.
Campfires are definitely not required, and if you really need one you don't need an axe to pull it off. Just gather sticks and twigs and do it Indian style; build it small and sit close.
Weight is your arch enemy when backpacking; if you don't feel that way now, you will after hauling 60lbs uphill for a few miles. If weight is your enemy, a comfy pack is your best friend. Definitly don't go cheap on the backpack (or the boots!). Get the most comfortable one for you. All the bells and whistles will be just about useless if it hurts to wear it (same for the boots!). Once you get your gear together take the opportunity to get into the mountains for a few days and do some scouting. You'll want to be familiar enough with your gear that you can operate it all in the dark.
If you have never used a backpacking stove before, I highly recommend going with a butane/propane stove. They are by far the simplest to use. These stoves will work on butane or propane, and most canisters actually use a butane-propane mix to prevent the cold weather issues that you've heard about. I use an MSR Whisperlite that runs on gas (about 15 yrs old). It is super light and the stove sits on the ground, so it's nice and stable. MSR is making a new Wisperlite that runs on gas (butane/propane) and liquid (kerosene, alchohol, etc). If I ever need another stove I'd get that one. The control valve for the Whipserlite is mounted on top of the tank, so you can use a wind-screen and still control the flame. A wind-screen will save lots of time and fuel, and should always be used imo.
Good luck!