Hi guys. This is the first time I've started my own thread. Sharing mostly for myself, to get my thoughts down from the mental journey I've been experiencing since Saturday morning. But you are all welcome to read as well. And offer some thought of your own, if you like.
I'm 45 years old, and never hunted until this year. My parents weren't hunters, none of my close friends are hunters, so it's something I've never really experienced up close.
For my 45th birthday, my wife bought me a bow for my birthday. I'm trying to simplify things in life, so I decided to go with a traditional bow. With my Cabela's gift card, I tried a number of different recurve bows, and went with the PSE Mustang, 40#@28 inches. Thus began my life as an archery enthusiast. I started going to the Calgary Archery Centre fairly regularly, I started searching YouTube for tips from Jeff Kavanaugh, Jimmy Blackmon, Grizzly Jim, Clay Hayes, and others. I watched The Push many times as well. Eventually, I set up a hay bale backstop in the yard, and started shooting every day.
Throughout my journey over the last few months, I naturally became interested in traditional bowhunting. I took the Hunter's Education course, and now I'm anxiously waiting for archery hunting season to start in late August/early September. In the meantime, I continue to shoot every day, but I wanted to try developing my stalking skills on a live animal.
White tailed jackrabbits are abundant here on the Southern Alberta prairies, and are legal to hunt year round without a licence. I have a friend who owns a bumbleberry orchard, and owns a winery out here. Jacks are very common in his orchards, as are mule deer, and my son and I spotted a group of whitetail does, last time we were there. Yes, he gave us permission to hunt in the orchards and for the last few weekends, my son and I have been spending time practicing our stalking skills, learning a lot, and rarely getting close enough to take a shot. Until last Saturday.
I managed to sneak up to about 25 yards from one. All of my research through talking to other hunters at the archery centre, or reading on the internet, said to use blunt points, and to try for head shots. Just like the thousands of times looking at a static target, I drew my bow, got to anchor, expanded, and released an arrow, all the while, focused on the rabbit's eye... The arrow found its spot less than 1/2 inch below. To my surprise, it didn't die instantly. It slowly ran off and stumbled around with the arrow lodged in its skull. I used a Zwickey Judo small game head (125 grain). My son and I spent a couple of minutes trying to catch it, and when we did, we ended it's suffering by cutting its throat. Bleeding out took longer than I expected. After bringing it home, I skinned and dressed it, and harvested the meat. My wife made an absolutely delicious rabbit stew for Sunday dinner, and I experienced the expected sense of pride found when eating a meal from an animal I harvested myself.
What I didn't expect, was the number of emotions I have experienced since that near perfect shot last Saturday morning. Excitement, joy, pride. But also remorse, guilt, and sadness. The "positive" emotions were expected. As were the "negative" ones, but not with the intensity I experienced. I've never killed anything before. Aside from fish, or turkeys, when my father in law raised them. In the 30 hours between harvesting the rabbit, and eating it, my emotions were up and down. I celebrated the shot, it was near precision. I felt so bad the rabbit didn't die instantly. I kept seeing it stumble around over and over, both in my thoughts and during my sleep that night. I was thankful for the sacrifice the rabbit made to feed my family. I questioned whether or not I had the gumption for hunting. It was quite the experience.
Today, I am more at peace. I wouldn't say I am over it, but I have had time to reflect. I am beginning to understand. All life is precious, and I can understand why people are against hunting. However, Life is cyclical, death is part of it, and other lives are affected by the end of another. The fact that I felt remorse, and guilt and sadness, were natural emotions. They remind me that I am a decent person. Modern society has made hunting for our own sustenance optional, and for many people, unnecessary. It's easy to be condemn it, especially if you have never hunted. It's easy to ask why do people need to do this. The experience is why. To me anyway.
Last night's dinner was a culmination of many different experiences since I bought that bow last December. It is also the beginning of many more. I've learned that I am becoming a hunter, not a cold blooded killer. It has taught me the type of hunter I want to be. I know I will never be a trophy hunter, intent on harvesting the biggest, most impressive animals. Or to have the desire to harvest many different species. No, that's not me. It might be great for others, and I respect that. But not for me. When I go out to hunt, it is to provide for my family. It is to get outside, alone, or with people close to me. It is to get close to an animal, to bring yourself into its world. For me, its not about the kill. That will always be my least favourite part. I know that remorse and sadness will always be a part of that, but also they are part of the entire experience.
I think I'm starting to get it.
Topic: First Successful Hunt (Read 465 times)
