Peta Boy
by Hal Hartness
Just sit’in here stokin up my woodstove trying to get the dutchoven to the right simmerin heat, I let the flames kindle up my memories. One of the best was a hunt in the mountains of north Georgia in the Cohutta wilderness. It was a new bow season with all the promise of deer that ain’t been fear struck by guns and folks. So I thought I’d set up at the falls about 8 miles form the Tennessee line. Now fer you what don’t know, them walks in dem mountains is about like pushin a more than stupid mule what is wantin to walk down hill, back up the way he come. So ifin you take a critter up there you will most like’ly learn the mule’s name. Mines was duffus!
Well on this trip I thought I might share the healing sound of the falls with Frank Rague a new trad friend who had shared Pine log WMA with me . We met up at the sportsmen’s club called the waffle house. After we ate enough to carry us over the weekend, off we ran fer the woods. We had just finished settin up camp when we began to hear the sound of pans tinker’in and look up to see a condo with legs walkin over to the river edge and it turned into a yuppie before our eyes. I didn’t need to show my for real side, so I put myself into camp chores and set about fixin up supper. Frank had the fire goin and sat down fer a break. When the stranger walked over and pulled what I call the Matt S. syndrome, He came over to the fire close to supper time with narry a thing but a smile and hope of a free meal! Difference is Matt would at least bring a good story, or some sort of prank. This guys turned into a Peta nut before our eyes. All it took was one eye popin look at our bows and he come up with the, you guys hunting. It seemed he was like most Anti folk and had no idea what he were a talkin about, Yes it was hunting season, Bow season! He began ta lip flap Frank on the evils of huntin. He yapped on about how all life had the right to live free without tha evils of hunting. Frank ask ifin he had got any laws passed stopin da bears and the Wolves from doing such evils. Peta boy had no answer. He jump in with another of the peta lines that being bad to animals was wrong and it didn’t matter if it was hunting or research. Frank asked if he got die’in sick would he let them cure his sickness with that research. Peta boy again had no answer. Frank ask’em ifin he eat chicken, Peta boy finally had a answer. Yes. Frank ask why he hunted chickens in the supermarket and not in the wilds. Peta boy said because it was raised as a farm animal. Frank ask ifin you had two eggs under a hen and one when to da pin fer raisein for Kentucky fried and the other got lost and ran around the house fer a bit, did he think the pin raise was ok to eat and the free one wern’t. Old Anti finally got beat up enough ta head back to camp. I sat there with a smile on my face thinkin Frank would make one fine Dry fly fisherman. Only a dry fly man has the will to cast his offering over the head of a stubborn critter in the hopes it will one day rise to the top and get it.
Camp that night was a fine thing, some good grub and the running water calming our out of town natures. Over our last cup of coffee we agreed to split up and recheck our off season scoutin and meet back for a late lunch before our first evening of stand sittin.
As I was walkin back to camp I toped a ridge to hear the worst screamin there has ever been. My first thinkin was to run to help and that I did but as I busted through mountain laurel and briars my goodness of nature slowed to a crawl. I stop at a edge to get a lung full of air and looked up to see Frank, with a double handful of cougar tail. It looked to me as if the cat had tried to jump the boy and jumped from a ledge and through a fork in da tree. Frank must have dropped to avoid the cat and grabbed the tail before it went through the fork. However it took place, the fact were, Frank had a cat butt wedged in the treefork and a tug a war of a lifetime goin , tryin to keep the smilein half from learnin where the leaven half was at.
Me bein the grand trad huntin buddy I was, I held in the cover studyin if there was a good holdin place to help da boy. Darn if I could find one. I had come to the thinkin I would take a shot at the cat, knowing I had a strong chance to hit Frank. But took heart in the thinking I might not hit my mark but it was a shore fact I would give one the advantage! Just before I hit full draw I heard the peta guy runnin and a howlin like a train. He stopped about 10 yards behind Frank and yelled to beat the band. Frank turned his head fer the first time and yelled what are you doin. Peta yelled back. I be tryin to run him off for ya. Frank gave him a blank stare and a blank sentence. It was something like blank, blank, blank can’t you see I got him by the tail. Peta must not have truly understood the situation causes he just yelled back, well turn him loose!
With that the debate of a lifetime commenced. I only wished I had some sardines and cracker to go wid it. It appeared to me the peta boy just could not get a grasp on how real life in the woods takes place. You know the claw and fang way of life. In this stage of life da cat had da claws and fangs while frank had a tail. Frank began to beg the boy to get a derringer he had hid in his back pocket and teach the cat proper educate. Peta boy asked, you want me to kill that cat. Frank, answered in a most proper tone! The anti began to explain to Frank how he had never hurt any animal in his life and just did not believe it were possible for him to do that under any circumstance. Frank explained that he could not let the cat go cause it would kill him for sure and maybe take peta boy along to. After a long debate the best frank was able to get out of da boy was that he would get the gun out and lay it down next to Frank so he could let go and get off a shot before the cat got to him. This would free the anti from doing harm to anything but not leave Frank with out any help. With the gun in place Frank ask for one last favor. He said to peta boy, look man I can barely hold on any longer, my grip is about to let go, could you give me just a little break and hold the cats tail while I catch my breath. This will not hurt the cat but will give me a fair chance. Peta boy bought it and soon Frank was free handed and anti had a death grip on the tail. Frank took a deep breath and sat down to think about the situation with a large grin on his face. Peta didn’t take to long ta ask if Frank were about ready to take back over. Frank still with the grin just said in a slow voice, I been thinkin about all ya said and I believe you have done converted me. With that said he walked off with the gun on the ground and the anti screamin. As Frank walked past me I let him know I was there and he waved for me to go with him. I tried to get Frank to go back and us help the fool but he would have none of it. We packed up and walked to Franks truck and as he cranked the truck we heard a shot. I again was about to try to talk Frank into checkin on the boy but he just puter in drive and said. Guess we ether got a convert or a SUICIDE!
Topic: Peta Boy - by Hal Hartness (Read 2301 times)
