Starting backwards....
Curtiss, I know it feels that way, but our faith has nothing to do with what we FEEL! Feeling is of the flesh. The spirit knows, trusts, believes. Faith is believing in that which cannot be proven. Suicide is, IMHO, giving up faith and buying into only that which our tiny minds can see and grasp!
I'm not much for public advice, but this latest experience of mine has show me some errors of my past, too. One is focusing on what might of been, or worse, why what is has happened.
Preacher friend used to say when things get the worst, we know we're walking closer to God cause the devil has to turn up the heat afore losing us forever.
As for suicide... feelings bro... feelings. Been a lot of talk lately about suicide... but you and I both know we might be tested to our breaking point...only for the purpose to drive us to our knees to admit that alone, we just can't... fill in the blank.
Only when we finally give up logic, rational though, fairness, and come to realize that whatever happens, we just are being driven to our knees to submit to HIS will...
Funny how easy the battle got when I tried that change alone... not that it works all the time for everyone. Your call, bro.
Let all that you've done in the name of the Lord go... talk to him. Open yourself to His will.
I found my greatest strength in the past 2 weeks when I confessed that it was all beyond me, and that there was no way I could do this alone... BINGO!
Could it be just that simple? You decide.
I'm pulling and prayin for you, my friend. Mightily!
the darkest hour is just before dawn.
Keep the Son in your eyes!