Hey, Dave,
Another Dave here echoes Craig's view that my problems seem petty compared to your struggles right now.
Lots of cute phrases people share come to mind but having spent 13 months in the "no job/over-qualified" soup not long ago, I know at least how THAT feels. I also know all the cute phrases mean diddly squat when you're bottoming out!
I have had more than my share of "times in the desert" where I feel God totally forgot about me and yet, who'se dumb enough to rail against God, right?
Still, there are times of total disconnect. Realized dragging my sorry butt to work for a 50 min drive this AM to come into a place with no regard for human dignity and a Feudal Lord view of workers, coupled with substandard work conditions, that God must've forgot me... and instantly I KNEW...that isn't it...I've quit trusting cause I didn't get what I wanted or thought I should get.
ALL I know sitting here at a keyboard is that you made a moral choice. Cudos to you! That takes a special courage, but I've learned in nearly 62 years that courage is often not rewarded in this realm...
I often thought the apostle Paul was a bit goofy... reveling in suffering, but as I age and the body fails and this whole job thing has reached epic proportions of disappointment, that indeed, God might ask us at times to suffer to relate a bit to how HIS Son, Jesus, suffered and paid for our sins. Kinda humbling.
You've undertaken some tall challenges. 1) quitting drinking 2) Quitting a job for a souless outfit, and 3) trying to keep the family happy.
Suffering is supposed to happen in situations like that! Not expected to be joyous. But I would encourage you to just "keep on keepin on!"
Eat an elephant one bite at a time. Recovery is one hour at a time, then 1/2 day, then a day! Then a week...
Trusting God when we feel like a wretch is the hardest thing God asks us to ever do!
You've taken on a few hard, hard choices. Now it's time to redouble the trust in Him.
Prayers for His peace that passes understanding to wrap you in his loving arms and guide you and renew your spirit as you continue on your struggles. We don't invent our problems in a day, and they surely won't go away in a day.
Hang in there. You're covered in prayers by some mighty prayer warriors right here on this site!
If you want to talk, PM me and I'll shoot you my phone #.
Keep the Son in your eyes.