Issues with Anger and letting go?

[Oliverstacy]

Anger…is there a book or something that can help a person deal with anger they’re not willing to let go of or can’t let go of?

Please don’t tell me that letting it go will solve it all…it just isn’t going to happen, I not able to let things go that have eaten at me for this long.  Telling people about them hasn’t helped!

I have almost a decade of anger built up that I can’t shake, that is with me daily…they’re many separate incidents that have added up to a giant hill that I can’t get myself off of!  I’m beginning to wonder if I simply can’t let it go.

I guess I need help dealing with anger I can’t let myself forget, forgive or move on from.

Some people find it interesting that I can turn strings out as fast as I can…it’s usually because I can’t sleep and they’re the one thing that for the most part takes my mind away from the negative and allows me to focus on making the best string I can.

Thanks!

Josh

[Doc Nock]

Josh,

That is a beautiful family. I sent you an email.

Might I applaud your courage for reaching out!!

I personally don't know of any quick fixes to long-term, residual anger.  

What I do know and shared in a private note was that I KNOW way too many people who live as you do with internal conflict that is eating them alive...

As Christians, we're to let anger go... and that "book" tells us about it, but not "how."

I know a lot of outwardly Christian folks whose anger is a major quiet struggle...but they dont' tell.

I personally tend to let my own anger build by listening to the "voices" that tell me what "should" be and "ought" to be... and guage what others do to me by those standards...  :(

My only defense is to go back and outline all that I DO NOT DO that I should and ought to do.. and realize that I am a person who lives ina  glass house so I need to dress in the basement!

I wish there were a quick fix...

Keep trying. Keeping opening up. We never stand so tall as on our knees.

Keep the Son in your eyes!

[BenBow]

Praying for relief from the anger.

[ArcticArcher]

Josh,

I would suggest a therapist. We (or at least I)had an issue about seeing one.  Being a cop the culture was to handle it ourselves.  For me that wasn't possible, I prayed about things, but God in his wisdom, led me to a therapist.  It won't be easy or even comfortable at first, but it will help. Not any different going to the doctor for a broken bone.

Prayers up to guide you to the path to good health.

Nick

[olddogrib]

Josh,
You're already way ahead of most folks in realizing the anger is hurting no one but yourself.  I've collected a bunch of it in my time, but you're not far from laying that burden at the feet of the One who will carry it for you.  Whenever I feel despair creeping in, I go back and re-read the book of Job and am reminded that I really don't have any problems.  Pray, and we will too.  Help starts when you hit your knees.  Most people don't grasp that they've become toxic until everyone and everything around them is gone.

[Stone Knife]

Satin loves to have you angry even if it's bottled up anger, anything to take your mind off Jesus so you fate is sealed. There are only two books on the subject the book of life and the book of death, were will you name be written. I pray that your anger is over and if it returns you will take to prayer instead of making strings, and will make bonds with the Lord and your family. Our life here is short so make the best of it, eternity is a long time.

[Rookie@51]

I too will pray for you and this trial. I will hold my comments until such time as I can spend a little time in the word and can put my thoughts on paper so that when I share you will be able to go back and read the things I send you. But there is one thing for sure, you are seeking help and that is a start. Until we accept that we have a problem it can't and won't be fixed. When you start feeling it coming on start praising the Lord for what He has done for you as loud as you can. Sing, shout anything to get your mind off of what is causing you to get angry. I will be getting back to you real soon my brother .......Dusty

[magnus]

I'm praying for you buddy. I understand!

Keeping the Faith!
Magnus

[Stone Knife]

Matthews 5:22

[Oliverstacy]

To all...

Thanks for all that have answered on here and via email (thanks Doc)...but I'm really struggling with it.

I’ve loved hunting since I was a little kid going with my dad, uncles and grandfather!  But with events that have transpired over the last 8+ years on our farm I’m at a point where I’m about to give that up.  To all that are trying to gain access to a farm don’t take it personal when you get told no, there are a lot of family and friends taking up what is hunt able.  We have 3500 acres of farmland but since you don’t make money off of wooded areas we don’t have a lot of area to truly work with.  Most of the best areas are behind our land and without crops in the field they fall short!

I don’t live near the farm no…I’m 2+ hours away so what little time I have I try to utilize to the fullest.  In the last 3 years I’ve tried looking at all angles of the parts I’m allowed to go and look for every possible ambush site and work it strategically and it hasn’t worked.

After years of frustration on the subject I’m at a point where I have to decide if working with what I have is worth doing, that is one of the biggest things against me.  The others are conflicts with family over everyday family stuff that adds to the rest…as stated it a progress of events over time.

So…I’m at a point where I need to let it go (which is either something I can or won’t allow) or take drastic measures to where I don’t include the subject and my hopes won’t be crushed every fall.  I’m wondering if I can go into next year without hunting in the fall and trying to figure out if that will help or hurt it further.

Thanks for listening!

Josh

[Scott Teaschner]

Josh I know where your coming from. I am from Wisconsin and lost most of my hunting spots and had some bad family issues. I had terrible anger and I had no intrest to do the one thing I loved the most hunt. I got help through a social worker and then packed my bags and moved west. Best thing I could have done. Sometimes being to close to family is unhealthy. The oppertunities for hunting are endless out here. Its just how hard do you want to work for it. There is no one to tell you where you can and can't go on National forest. In some cases it seems like the mountain is all mine. For the most part the economy has not suffered here like else where. So maybe get a new look on life and start a new legacy for your children in a new place where your free. Hope this helps Scott.

[Rookie@51]

I sent you an e-mail. I have added you to my prayer book as well. God bless you and yours.......Dusty

[Rookie@51]

Nice family on your profile.......

[Junction hunter]

I would also suggest finding a good therapist.
Anger is a secondary emotion based on one of 3 things: Pain, Frustrations (inability to meet a basic need), and Fear. In therapy we take a forgiveness approach. Here are some facts and steps for forgiveness.

FACTS
I forgive for myself
Forgiveness is a process not an act. It takes time and persistence.
Forgiveness is an internal job
Forgiveness is about “Emotional Economics”. It cost less to forgive than to hold the pain.
Forgiveness is ongoing.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT FORGETTING. IT IS TAKING THE PAIN OUT OF THE MEMORY.
Re - live and Regret – Don’t continue to relive the emotion and the memory, what good does it do to hold on to it.
What are you getting out of holding on to this memory? What are you feelings about this negative, positive, angry, or depressed.
Ask yourself what is your payoff and is it hurting you?

STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
1.Admit you have been wronged and specify the wrong, what are your thoughts about this how were you wronged or how did you wrong someone else?
This is typically and head thing
2.Accept that you have been hurt.
We need to specify the wrong as well as the emotional response. This will come from the heart and the emotion.
3.Make a conscious choice to forgive yourself or others.
Decide to forgive – this is a conscious choice, an act of will
Why/Motive - For your own peace
4.Do it: Say to yourself – “I forgive….. for doing …….
Look for the opportunity to forgive
Look for the good in the other person and yourself
Count your blessings
Accept your responsibility in the situation
Refocus on self improvement – recognize faults but don’t dwell on them
What are your options
Be patient with yourself
Celebrate, enjoy, find peace in life
5.Let it go. This is not about justice it is about grace, make amends with yourself or others.
6.Continue to forgive, this will take time it does not happen all at once.
This is a process and ongoing.

FORGIVENESS STEPS II (Fredrick Luskins, PhD)
1 Determine what about the situation was NOT OK with you. Talk about this with a few       friends.
2. Allow yourself to do what you need to feel better.
3. Don’t feel that you must reconcile with the person. Instead, seek peace and understanding that comes from taking the life experience less personally.
4. Recognize that your distress is coming from hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset, not from the actual offensive event that happened in the past.
5. Use a stress management techniques when you feel upset to temper “flight, flight, freeze” response.
6. Don’t expect things from people in your life that they choose not to give you.
7. Rather than mentally replaying the hurtful event, focus your energy on finding alternative ways to get what you want.
8. “A life well lived is your best revenge”. Focus on the hurt allows the person to have power over you, so instead, set your sights on the good things around you.
9. Change your grievance stories so that it reflects you honorable choice to forgive.

Hope this helps.

[Doc Nock]

Hunting has become a challenge for many of us.

I too have to drive over 2 hrs to get to a spot I can access...the best hunting is some private land next door where temporarily, I've permission for bow only...then the family takes over for gun. Entrance verboten.

The old gent who owns is in poor health, so that is in jeapordy because either the family will take over or it'll be sold. Either way, Gone!

At this age, in my home area of SE PA, I have watched ALL my hunting sites be built over.

It has to be worse when it's your own family, but what I've seen of some extended families, the old saw that "you can pick your friends, but not your family..."

Many of us... have had to completely find new areas every year or so...sucks.

But, it sure beats sitting home watchin TV...but it does tend to burn one out.

Best wishes for finding an alternative site, avoiding the inflammatory situation and moving forward.

If you got burned every time you touched the stove, you'd learn to not touch the stove. If it ticks you off every time you hit that farm, and you drive 2 hrs to do it, then it seems that there might be logical alternatives...maybe not.

Don't know MI and it might not be possible... but then some feel that about SE PA...I Do, yet I know folks that have access to tons of land...and kill lots of deer.

Right place...right time.  

Hang in there brother...try to keep the shinny side up!

[nutmeg]

Praying for you from Texas. Been there my friend.(nut)

[kill shot]

Praying that God helps you with your anger liked He helped me.

[eddings220]

Josh - I know I haven't earned the right to speak into your life, but, after reading your post, I feel inclined to share. From my years of ministry and working with people, including my own life's struggle with anger, I have found that Anger is a representation of "clutter", and "clutter" is an obstacle to God's grace! What I mean by "clutter" as it relates to anger is that there may be something in your life, your past, a bad experience, that triggers your emotional thoughts of anger? My heart goes out to you cause I have been there...and then I "RECEIVED" a great revelation of scripture, the "peace that surpasses all understanding" really does exist from God! Sometimes Josh, you just gotta laugh it off, cause in the end it is all gonna be just fine! Change is hard, but change is good. Praying for you brother.

[bucksdown]

josh, it's great how GOD speaks to us at just the right time. i heard a lesson from andy stanley, ( charles stanley's son )just this morning, and realized the reason for so many of my of our emtions comes from not seeing people as jesus does, forgiving them, and showing them the same grace he does. you maybe wondering how this applies to your situation. as the story of jesus teaching of the prodical son, he was talking to the pharises, followers, none believers, and believers, he loved them all no matter what they did or didn't do. just as the father had forgave his son, not knowing what he had done or are what he might do in the future, he welcomed him back, loved him just as he did, yet when they were in there mothers womb. this was all a conviction of why i still have anger built up inside of me, and why i am so judgemental of others. anger still surfaces when i see my ex-wife, she turned my life upside down, took so many things from me, just went on with her life like nothing had happened. GOD has blessed me in so many ways, but i'm still angry deep inside. i live with it everyday, how could she do that, here i'm trying to follow GOD with my life, she doesn't go to church anymore, goes to bars, gambles, and hangs out with all kinds of sinners, and now has the guy i suppected of her cheating with living with her and my girls everyother week. for me my anger comes from me not showing her grace and compassion for where she is, what she is doing or not doing. i understand your anger, you holding on to it, and wanting the people around you to change. i truly beleive the only way you and i can find the peace were seeking and the answers to our anger is to except the way things are, stop trying to change them, to make them see how they have hurt us, is to realize GOD loves them just as he does us, show them grace, and realize GOD is going to continue to bless us, and work in our lives. until we surrender it to him, give all our anger to him, we are the ones that will suffer. all the material things i lost, ( your hunting land ) were gonna misout on the peace and enjoyment of the blessings he has for us. deep down i didn't want GOD to love my ex or bless her, but he had a lesson for me and he does for her, to bring us closer to him. that's what it is all about, if we die today none of our material things will matter, we will have our salvation, will they? our praying for them, giving them grace and forgivness will give us peace. i know what is important, is it gonna be easy? no. please pray for me, i will pray for you. i know this is the answer, because in the end GOD wants everyone to be saved. we have to transfere our feelings form the things around us to a heart of forgiveness. he will give you even better hunting land, and continue to bless me far more than i deserve. we need to love them and pray for them. take care my brother, GOD loves you and so do i.

[T Folts]

Josh praying for you, give me a call if you need to talk.
Terry