Uphill battle

[MikeW]

last night i had a bad relapse. drank about half a bottle of Jack D's to myself.

Light weight! I use to drink a 5th a day for years and nobody ever saw me drunk. "If you can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch"

Seriously I totally agree with most and especially Doc Nok. It's all about choices my man and what's really important to you. He pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Have you been to some type of AA meetings or support groups? How old are you and how long have you had a drinking problem? Any other substance abuse issues?

I've been through a few addition problems in my life along with family members and very close friends who destroyed their themselves with addictive personalities.

Motormouth huh?...I can talk to you all day about this and will. Don't look for any hugs and kisses but I will talk to you straight and try and help you. If you are serious PM me for a # but don't waste my time if you are not.

Your opening post says a lot about your troubles.
         


Oh and is this a Trad post?
     

[Doc Nock]

Hey, Li'l Buddy!

First, reading that you've opened up to your Dad warms my heart. I posted I didn't know if your family knew or not...and wasn't going to rat you out, but glad you've come clean at least w/ Pop.

Two, You still haven't answered the really key question: Do you REALLY want to quit drinking or do you crave to be able to just 'drink like the rest of the guys' and not have a drinking "problem?"" ?????

Three: seeing a addiction counselor 2x/MONTH? Really? Only 2x/month?  Seems a key point in recovery!

Most counseling I know about that works is identifying destructive self beliefs and then working slowly and steadily to change those beliefs and patterns of behavior... but 2x/month?

Many (most) of us have quiet demons and greater or lesser "addiction" but many are not so noticeable or destructive, but they're there.

No, I've not had a drinking "problem" but I do see in myself an "addictive personality type" in some areas of my life and watch it closely.

Yes, it's good that the folks here (me included) pi$$ you off... and one reason I admire and love you like a kid of my own is that you quickly see it and fess up that it's you you're ticked off at! Good for you!

That still leaves this anger problem of yours that leads directly to "bad days."

There is a quality human being just "slightly" under the surface of all the crap YOU'VE piled on yourself...

But you don't email. You don't call. You don't reach out and the reason? Just maybe----Cause you know (like the chaps here that have been down the road of excuses, blaming and ducking responsibility for drinking before they got straight) they and I will put you right on the hot seat...

Listen, I know "some" of what bugs you... not the exact wording but YOU put yourself in your sister's shadow, nobody else did that. I know you've struggled to create an identity of your own. I know that you get mad so easily and then bummed and drink on "bad days" because you suffer like a whole freakin bunch of US... with low self esteem.

Many of us walk around one soda cracker away from bleeding to death because we doubt ourselves and if someone claws at us, we bleed.

Many protective devices are used to wall us off...some chemical, some attitudinal, some behavioral, etc, ad naseum.

HAVING a problem isn't the problem!!! BELIEVING YOU SHOULD NOT have a problem is the problem!

Get over yourself.  There are millions of walking wounded who never pull their heads outa their kiester soon enough or long enough to realize the problem isn't special...just the fear of having a problem makes it hard!

You can do this, but you've got to accept it's ok to HAVE a problem.  That isn't what makes us a failure.

Every winner gets knocked down over and over but a loser quits getting back up!

You're a winner! Accept it's there, quit beating yourself up over finally having a BIG problem and let's get you lined out toward being the winner you were born to be!

Oh, MikeW, yeah...this is one place on Gang where the heart is the lead, not trad archery... nothing more traditional than standing by our brother's and sisters when it hits the fan.

[MikeW]

hree: seeing a addiction counselor 2x/MONTH? Really? Only 2x/month? Seems a key point in recovery!

Yep..when I finally got my act together and got serious I use to go at least twice a day, sometimes more. I have a really cool story I can tell him if he calls me. Am sure it would motivate him a little. I was raised in a very religious household for most of my life but for years when I got older and on my own I struggled with my believes and I still do. You don't need God to beat this but if it helps you then ask him for help.

I met a man who change my life at my first meeting, he still just blows my mind thinking back on it and I wish to pass the knowledge on and help someone else as he helped me.

[Cyclic-Rivers]

Mathew,

Although I have not had an alcoholism problem please hear me out.

Both my wife and I have worked at a substance abuse inpatient and outpatient  rehab for 5 years.

I work with and have many friends who are in recovery. Many of whom have been there for 20 plus years. They all make regular meetings. They ALL still have support networks. They ALL still have cravings but use the tools that have been given to them.

I hear stories daily of people who relapse. It happens (to weak people).  The thing is, these people stopped using the tools that they had. They had a bad day and said "screw it".  They thought they could handle "just one drink" (They couldn't, you   NEVER can).  Sometimes they think they have it licked and stop going to meetings. Its amazing how quickly we fall!  I hear this story DAILY!  

It is sad, many people I talk with have burned their bridges. Families that do not want them back.

There is help out there.  Here is a true story relayed to me from a patient who seeked help when he needed it (using your tools)!

I will call him Joe.
Joe was in an airport traveling for work, he had a bad day and lost a major account for his company. Joe was on his way home and heard that his plane was Delayed 8 hours.  while feeling down and having a craving he looked up and saw a bar.  Joe called his sponsor who was 1000 miles away and said he was having a hard time and was thinking about drinking.  after a short discussion with his sponsor and saying their Goodbyes, Joe heard an announcement.  would the "friends of "name undisclosed for confidentiality" meet at gate 25C"!

Joe's Sponsor arranged for an impromptu AA meeting in the airport.

A saying that is used a lot but is true.

It works if you work it!  So work it, you're worth it.  (dorky but true)

Many people are here reaching out, Many people care. Please see that!!!!

There is no quick fix. You cannot go to rehab and be cured, this will be something you will always have to work at for the rest of your life but as Doc said, focus on now. Take one step at a time. Take small bites and the big ole steak wont seem so big.

People do it every day, you can too.

There's help out there, theres tools out there and there are people who care out there.

It sounds like you are on the right path seeing a counselor twice a month and reaching out.  My recommendation is you kick it into high gear, make meetings (daily at first). Find a mentor and a sponsor.  You are worth it, and owe it to yourself and family.

God bless.

[Cyclic-Rivers]

I might add you are not alone.  I work for the nation's largest privately owned Substance abuse facility, we have no issues and have a waiting list keeping 220 beds filled daily.

[Doc Nock]

Wow, Charlie! Such wisdom for such a young couple as you and your wife.

Matt, Go look up his bio...he's not that much older than you...

I know reading Charlie's input, what's been bothering me and since you won't get in touch off line, I'll share it here.

This isn't about "making appearances!"  IF...IF you want to believe you're a failure and IF... You are trying to mount evidence to the same, that "I've tried, but I just can't get better--I'm a failure" then you won't really BE a failure, you will have "SUCCEEDED" at what you unconscioiusly set out to accomplish: That is to fail! Ironic, huh?!  :(

You can't dance with the devil and play at this and "pretend to admit you have a problem," then go at solving the problem in some half-assed fashion!

What you read above is a recurring theme: The first step is total admission you're an alcoholic. Second, is finding help that is as CONSUMING as is the addiction. Not dancing around the edges hoping a "band-aid" will help.

You have to go after this like you're being chased by the Devil himself...cause, well...you are! HE doesn't want to loose his grip on you...the one he has with your addiction.

There is a reason you started turning to alcohol as an escape-- From what? Get that out and fix that! Meanwhile, back at daily living, get that support network.  but counseling 2x/month won't uncover and help you develop new coping skills!

There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed about admitting and becoming whole thru complete admission and full immersion in a program to get you solid!

Your own words:  "...been doing this a long long time whenever things went bad" (paraphrased), so this "problem" is deep seated, self-created and yes, only YOU can prevent forest fires, but don't set yourself up to fail by pretending you can do this alone...

If you believe that, I do Not. I believe you KNOW in your heart you're dancing around the edges... fearfilled yet to admit to the full monty of this and it's hold.

Afraid perhaps of what people will think if a preacher's son admits and enters into full blown counseling, AA meetings, etc.

I could and have been wrong, but that is what my gut tells me after weeks of being unsettled about what I read of how you're approaching this.

This is YOUR life... YOU are WORTH having a full, productive life!

I've lived where you are geographically and the "cowboy way" isn't going to cut it... you now live in one of the top states for alcoholism around... and for teen alcoholism to boot!  :(

Great state. find your own path but leave no stone unturned!

[Cyclic-Rivers]

Mathew,

If you set yourself up for failure, you will succeed every time.    

Doc Nock is right on the money.  You need to Buck up and do things right.

Do not place blame. It is no ones fault, not yours and you should not point fingures at anyone else either. This isnt about who is right or wrong.

It is easy to be a victim and live with it. It is much harder to stand up accept responsibility, admit when you are wrong but not focus on the past.  You cannot change that, move on. work on what is immediately in front of you. (one step at a time).

Here is a prayer you  probably already have heard but should remember and use. (another tool).

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

 

[Winterhawk1960]

Originally posted by motormouth:
i have to admit, when i first read your responses, i was mad. but then i realized that you guys have been thru this. I think i was mad at myself really, cause i couldn't answer Winterhawk or string's questions without knowing that i really didnt even need to answer them, that i already knew the answer. No, the half bottle did nothing but hurt me and my situation.  i realized now that the reason did it is that it was the norm for me.  was the norm for me. when i used to have a bad day, thats what i did. its a comfort zone thing. god has really been working in me and helping me seek help. i now see an addictions counsler at least twice a month. sometimes more. For those of you that don't know, my pops is a pastor and dang good one. him and i have been talkng too, which is nice. i dont get to spend alot of time with him. just ask doc, my dad is one of the best. i also ant to thank you guys for the "Tough Love". its tough hehe but needed. God Bless.

Matt,

It isn't so much about "Tough Love" as it is that those of us that have been there and have (most likely) already done what you speak of and if we haven't.......we've at least given it several attempts of justifying it in our own little minds.

Those of us that have been where you are, aren't trying to make you mad or hurt you. We have "learned" a new norm for handling lifes little perks. Please don't think that we are trying to be-little you because the TRUTH is that we can and have seen a little of ourselves in YOU. Believe me when I tell you that WE know of that "comfort zone" you speak of. We also know that at some point that "comfort zone" will become harder and harder to find......and eventually will no longer be available to sit in because it was only a figment of our imagination.

The mind is a powerful thing........it can and will mess with the best intentioned person. When I speak with someone that is currently in a "place" that I have previously occupied it does as much good for me (maybe even more) than it does for them. Is this selfish........I really don't know, but what I do know is "But for the grace of God, there go I".

Recovery is a never-ending process......it doesn't just occur and we move on away from it. Once a pickle......NEVER a cucumber again. I am and will be an addict till the day I die. The difference for me, at least for today is that I do everything that I can to NOT be a practicing one. Seriously.........you didn't get this way overnight and your not gonna be "different" overnight. It takes time and commitment and mostly a whole lot of PRAYER. The "Serenity Prayer" that someone posted above has helped me in many different areas of my life in the past and continues to do so today.

The TRUTH for me is and will ALWAYS be to

Let Go and Let God........it's when I try and "change" things myself that I get up to my neck in crap. The key is ACCEPTANCE that I am POWERLESS.........not an easy thing to do, but when I do finally get "beat to submission" I turn it over to "something greater" than myself and let God handle it. Now that doesn't mean that I don't have to do my part........and God knows how much I can handle. He has never led me to something that he hasn't carried me through. Given enough time and being proven to, enough times that I simply SUCK at resolving some situations on my own.......my "norm" has changed.

It can for YOU also..........and my offer still stands that I can give you a call anytime that you would like. I am not a lecturer and don't have any pre-written speaches to give, but I'm willing to bet that YOU and I.......are a lot more alike than we are different.

I will continue to pray for you until something happens.........what that is, is completely up to the good Lord above. I can only hope that you can remember some of the genuine, concerned advice that has been given by the wonderful, caring people of this forum.

Thy will be done.......          

Winterhawk1960

[Blueridge]

You DO need GOD in this and everything else in your life.
Now go and pour out the other half of that bottle of Jack.
Read your bible daily.
Prayers for you

[DennyK]

Matt, The next time the devil wants your life back, beat him in the head with John 8:36: "If the SON therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed." Your freedom has been paid for by God's only SON. Take your freedom, and let nothing steal it from you. Prayers sent.  Denny

[Cyclic-Rivers]

Matt, I hope you are doing well  

[Doc Nock]

Charlie,

I've known young Matt since he was just a teen... and since he moved West when his dad took a job pastoring a church in Great Falls, MT area, this is Matt's pattern. He comes, asks, interacts for a while and then goes "ghost" for a spell.

Been writing him personal emails... but don't get replies to that either.

He'll be back around. He knows God and God's will and the strength is in this kid! If it weren't, he'd not have made it this far.

Sometimes, we just have to let folks find enough misery to decide when enough is enough.

He knows we're here for him and he knows I care about him personally, too.  

May we all just keep praying for Matt to come full circle back to his roots.

Lord in your Mercy...

[MikeW]

Sometimes, we just have to let folks find enough misery to decide when enough is enough.

Am glad you know him so well and are standing on the sidelines for him. You can't help someone that really doesn't want help or isn't willing to do what it takes to change. Some folks just have to hit rock bottom first and even then some won't do it.

All the best.
   

[Doc Nock]

Don't know if I can say I "KNOW" Matt that well, but I can say I've cared FOR him well enough.

he's now a grown man...knows right from wrong.  He knew enough to come here, was honest enough to share that some of our comments ticked him off, but then insightful and honest enough to share further that he realized he was mad at himself!

That young man has a lot of GOOD raw material in him.  Unfortuanately, I've seen a LOT of fine, fine young (and older) people fall prey to drugs and alcohol and the ultimate choice is always THEIRS!

Matt, if you read any of this, know you're loved by many and we're all praying and pulling for you.  You can reach out anytime of day or night. You know how!

Peace, li'l brother. Keep the Son in your eyes!

[Flt Rck Shtr]

If I can help any, I have had many years of experience in this category. I was a HEAVY DRINKER from my early teens, up until I was about 35 when I met my Lord and Savior. I drank often enough, and had a hangover so often I couldn't even tell when I got the flu or common cold, because I felt bad all the time !! I didn't even know I was sick, I just got used to it. I finally went to the doctor one day for something I thought was routine and they heard a heart murmur. Too make a long story short, many doctor visits later, and open heart surgery diagnosis later, I was scared to death !! I thought my life had ended ! What I didn't know that day was that by 5:00 p.m. that evening, a new life began for me. A life without drugs and alcohol, a life without bar fights and drunken arguments with my wife and everyone around Me. I was so alone, with no one to turn to. I confided in my Mother and she told me the things I needed to do to start my new life and personal relationship with Jesus Christ. If I told you everything after that was perfect and simple, I would be telling a big fat lie ! It was hard being around all those drinking buddies and friends I've known and ran with all my life. Alot of them understood my situation and some of them didn't. Some are still good friends and some act like I have the plague. It does all get easier with time. I was always told when I was a kid that "Anything that comes easy, ain't worth havin " If quitting drinking was easy, no one would be an alcholic, same with being a Christian, if it was easy, everyone would be one. It took a little Divine Intervention to make me see the the Light. I'm not sure if I could have quit on my own. The one thing I do know is that I've never knew I could feel so good when I wake up in the morning ! My life has changed forever, for the better of course. I have piece of mind knowing where I will go when my days here on earth are done. I wouldn't change anything with how my life is now. Hope this helps.

[motormouth]

Ya know, I tried not to read this post again. Because doc's right, im mad at me.

Its been a long while since i posted that. I have been going to AA meetings in my community and doing well. would've been 45 days but had a slip up.

even though it doesnt get easier, i do get stronger i find. i am now able to make the choice not to go by the beer isle in the store, and stay away from goin out with the boys for some fun, cause i know where ill end up. at first they were mad but now they understand and only call me when its a non alcoholic activity. i also have made alot of new sober friends which helps to.

I dont mean to drop off the earth. m tryin to get better at it. i try to check at least this forum once a day.

I do thank all of you for your wisdom and advice, even if sometimes it makes me mad. God has been workin on me somethin fierce and its hard sometime but i know he has a plan and he knows what hes doing.

I wish you all the best, and "Keep the SON in your eyes"    

-MM

[Doc Nock]

Bubba,

You can't climb a mountain without slipping backwards a few steps, especially when the climb is steep. It goes with the territory. No excuse, but it is a fact!  It's also a slippy slope to start "excusing" slips as inevitable... that is pre-programming failure into the hard drive!

It's ok to get ticked at our own weaknesses. Just make sure you don't use that "being ticked" to start tearing down your own self esteem--- cause from where I sit, I'm guessin that has something to do with the alcohol a long time ago anyway! Hmmm? I've seen a LOT of stubborn in you and at times, rebellious behavior as you started your teen years... USE IT! Channel that rebellion to fight against the desire to taste when it comes up... use that stubborn to say, "NO WAY, Jose!"  One step closer each and every day!

Withouth Him, we're but dust! You're doing the right things now...avoiding temptation and developing non-drinking friends!    

45 days beats the britches off your past when you came here or 4 or 5 days! You didn't get where you are overnight and it will take concentrated effort to keep moving forward.

Good News! You've got the best coach in the Universe on your side, bub: Jesus! THAT "big Brother" won't ever let you down or abandon you!

And yeah, pup,    

Keep the Son in your eyes!

Happy Resurrection Weekend!

[monsterbuck]

Prayers sent for you mouth, just trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you can make it. God bless.

[AWPForester]

You have taken the first step bro.  Do as Doc-Noc said and finish it.  God Bless

[monsterchelli]

Matt,

I'm praying for you.
 Please follow the suggestions made by these people the lord has communicating with you.

 Keep the faith.

GOD loves you!