COMIC RELIEF

[wingnut]

Heck Rusty that Hissy fit called in a 6 pt and a hunter if I remember right.

Mike

[Thraswood]

That is a fact.  Both your hissy fit and the sight of a six point elk, I,had to check see what condition my condition was in pretty exciting

[trashwood]

I flat fell in love hunting grouse while Mike and I went on elk hunts in Idaho.  I wanted to video a grouse hunt.  Next year I took my camcorder.  Sure enough we got into a bunch of grouse.  Mike was shooting and I was videoing.  I put my bow and quiver down cause we were moving quickly from one landing spot to the next. 

Finally we chased them off.  I turn around and had no idea where my bow and quiver was.  We had to run the tape back and follow it to my bow and quiver DUH

Most fun I ever had hunting.  😆

[Terry Green]

These are great guys keep them coming please!

[archeryprof]

I don't want to hog this thread but after hunting with a bow exclusively for over 50 plus years I have enough stories to write a book, which I probably should do before I get too old to remember them. Here is another:                                  I was on an archery only deer lease for a number of years here in Texas.The only equipment allowed was bow and arrow.We had a strict written policy that no firearms were allowed on the property.The guy that ran the lease was a terrible bow hunter.He shot just good enough to hit deer but not kill them.I along with the other lease members offered to help him but he was the typical loud mouth know it all and did not want our assistance.He seldom practiced and as a result he shot so poorly this guy would lose 3 sometimes 4 deer each season.He really had no business bow hunting.Lets say his name was Doogie.One day at the lease after the morning hunt a group of us were sitting around camp.Doogie was not back from hunting yet.Suddenly we heard 3 rapid shots fired from what sounded like a pistol.A couple of us jumped in the truck and headed to investigate.Well there was Doogie standing over a dead buck and a 9mm pistol in his hand.He claimed he shot the deer earlier with his bow but it was still alive when he found it and had to finish it off with the pistol.You can imagine that the other members of the hunting lease were not happy about this situation but since he ran the show there was not much we could do - or maybe there was.One of my buddies and I hatched a plan.After returning home we found a half dozen of the screw in blunt arrow points,the kind that are perfectly flat across the ends.We then epoxied some 9mm cartridges to them.Everybody was at the lease the following week including Doogie.He had his own travel trailer that he stayed in and always hung his bow along with quiver on a hook just outside of his door.After he went to bed we removed all of his broadheads from his arrows and replaced them with the 9mm bullet tipped points.He went out hunting the next morning and was at full draw on a deer before he noticed the bullet at the end of his arrow!

[YosemiteSam]

I once belly crawled up to the base of a tree of some gobblers late one spring morning in my teens.  This was only my first or second season hunting turkeys so I had a lot to learn.  But I took my time & did it right.  I moved only when the wind blew the grass.  I used as much cover as I could find.  They were clueless up there -- some had their wings spread out just sunning themselves as I got in position to shoulder my 12 gauge.  It was about 10 am and why they weren't on the ground mattered less than the fact that they were right there above me.  It didn't seem right so I finally double checked with my binoculars.  I finally saw that those short-necked, lazy turkeys were just a flock of vultures...

[Cyclic-Rivers]

One day while bowfishing my buddy had to go #2.  pulled my boat to the nearest island and he barely made it to the bushes.

after he was done, he went the other way, was looking at deer sign.  he came back to the boat and I noticed an awful Oder.  turns out he stepped in his own pile. he had 2 choices, leave his shoes on the island or stay on the island. fish were spawning and I was going back after them.  Turned out his shoes stayed there until he could go back with a plastic bag.

he no longer has the shoes and were still pals.

[archeryprof]

Guys just say the word and I will shut up.Until then grab your coffee this a long read.                                   Bow fishing has always been my passion since my introduction to archery and I have had some of most memorable adventures bow fishing but none compare to The Fish Joust. In order to fully appreciate this story it is necessary to set the background. Revealing my age,my bow fishing began with the hand wind hoop style reels and home made arrows with barbs made from piano wire with the progression to Zebco 33 reels and store bought arrows on through the modern equipment everyone shoots today.We would bow fish the local gravel pits and local lakes and rivers for mainly carp ,buffalo and long nose gar.However the holy grail in bow fishing was the alligator gar.These prehistoric  fish grow to lengths over 9 ft and can weigh in excess of 250 lbs.In Texas it is  found in only in certain locations ,mainly remote inaccessible places .Nowadays with the internet with social media , You Tube etc. all of the where and howtos are a button click away. Back then prime fishing spots were a closely guarded secret .You probably stood a better chance of borrowing somebody's wife than them giving you the location of their favorite honey hole." Man!! Thats a nice bass, where did you catch it? Answer -"In the corner of its mouth".This was especially true with gator gar.It seemed that only a handful of people knew anything about gator gar, most folks never even having seen a picture of one.I and my bow fishing buddies knew the river the gar lived, a wild ,muddy, winding and often treacherous remote place that runs the length of the state in east Texas but could not find the secret location to launch the boat.                                                                                                                         Here is the cast of players.There was a young man ,we will say is name is "John,"  that when he was in his early teens we invited to take bow fishing with us on one of our local excursions. He became obsessed with it.He bought all of the gear and a boat especially for that purpose.The reason that I knew him was because 15 years prior I used to work for his daddy, an attorney,at his law firm during my college years .His daddy was now a highly respected judge and a friend of mine.John had actually gone to work for me for a number of years but had recently moved when his wife took a teaching job in east Texas. John had discovered the secret launch place at the river.He began showing me the pictures of the 6 ft plus gar he and his buddy were shooting.They would spend days at a time on the river camping like hobos underneath the bridge.There was only one  problem- John would not tell me the location of the secret launch place! I could not believe it! After all I had done for him and....Well there was another friend of mine that knew where the secret launch place but was sworn by the guy that took him not to tell where anyone it was.This he honored for years but in a weak moment he agreed to go along with me and one of my other buddies and go bow fishing at the river.After a 2 hour drive we reached the secret launch place and lo and behold Johns truck and boat trailer were parked there.It was late spring and the recent heavy rains had the river stretching way out of its banks and it was sucking huge trees off the banks into the thick muddy butterscotch colored water.There was trash and debris swirling around in large vortexes.It was one of only times on the water that gave me the urge to wear a life jacket, although I didn't. We stowed the bow fishing gear and launched my 16 ft flat bottom jon boat off of the bank and even with the 60 hp Mercury it did not seem like enough boat for the river in its current condition.We navigated up the river stopping to troll up the swollen feeder creeks checking for gar.We did manage to shoot a 5 footer in one of the creeks.We had just eased out into the river again when we hear the motor of a boat and looking up the river another jon boat is coming our way.There are 3 guys in the boat and one of them reaches down and picks up something and throws it at us as they are driving past us.A large carp hits the front deck and ricochets off into the water.They turn around and pull up and sure enough it is John, his bow fishing buddy ,and Johns younger brother "Tim".Now Tim was not a bow fisher but Tim was getting married the following week and they brought him along for his batchelor party of sorts and judging from the fact they were knee deep in beer cans the party was well underway.John was  aggravated  the we had found his secret gar spot and as they were  pulling away said that if they saw us on the river again that day that we had better have some carp because there was going to be a "fish joust".As they motored off we looked at one another and somebody said "what the hell is a fish joust?"I said I am not sure but maybe we should shoot some carp just in case.As the day wore on we did not get a chance to to shoot any more gator gar but we did shoot a bunch of 3 to 4 lb carp and one big buffalo that must have weighed at least 12 lbs. We threw them all in a bloody mess on the floor of the boat.It was late in the afternoon and we decided call it a day and headed back up the river toward the launch place still a mile or so away dodging logs and floating debris still washing down the river.As we rounded a bend here comes the gar boys.They are coming at us full speed and 2 of them are reaching down for fish.It suddenly occurs to us what a "fish joust" was .With immediate haste with one driving the boat, the other two of us grab up carp from the bottom of the boat.We approach one another coming head on at full speed the boats passing just feet apart and unleash a barrage of bloody carp toward  the opponents boat as they whiz past ,slimy carp hitting the boats with loud thunks with scales and guts spraying  everywhere.We are a couple of hundred yards past each other before we can turn around for another pass.One of my buddies grabs a deck lid from the boat to use as a shield.We make another high speed pass escaping with some near misses.As we circle  around for the third round my buddy picks up the 12 lb buffalo and hunkers down behind the deck lid shield.At the second the boats pass he raises up and overhands the big buffalo hitting Tim (who is standing up) square in the face and catapults him 10 feet back straight out of the boat and he disappears into the muddy river!!!By the time either of us could stop the boats we were a hundred yards apart and Tim was nowhere to be seen.My mind is racing thinking how I am going to explain to the judge (his daddy) what happened to his son.We sped over to the spot where he went in looking for any sign of him. After what seemed like an eternity I cannot explain my relief when he finally blubbered up to the surface dazed and confused with his face all bloodied from kissing the flying fish.No debate on who won the fish joust.You can imagine what Tim looked like in his wedding pictures taken the following week.

[acedoc]

Thanks for sharing ! Nice read

[pavan]

Toad Smith, I crossed paths with him many times.  The first time, I was cross row still hunting a corn field.  I could hear a deer, but could not see it.  Every time I would move a little it would move a little.  Finally 15 at half draw, I stepped into the next corn row, and there it was, Toad Smith at half draw.  Toad wouldn't ever admit it, but he made a loud girly sound.   After we got to the end of the field, Toad motioned me over.  We sat and rested, i think his heart was giving him trouble already.   He suggested that we go into town for lunch.  When we got to our cars, he had a little yellow four wheel drive.  He pointed to a stain in his passenger seat and said we're taking your pickup.  On the way to town. He said, "Remember that hillbilly that I was with at the place up north?" He went on to explain that the other morning, while heading out in the dark, he had to stop in the middle of a picked field to take a number 2.  When they continued their slow walk, Toad said, "You stink" HIs friend said, "yes, that one was ripe."  Toad, after a few more slow steps. "No, you really stink."  His skinny buddy had pooped in his own overalls.  He declared that he was going to get even with him.  Toad had a bait and archery shop in his home town, he invented 'Toad's Secret Buck Lure', the next fall he offered his buddy a life time supply and told him to use a lot of it, "There's more where that came from."  He offered some to me as well, I said, "No thanks, I stink bad enough already." He said, "Well at least you're man enough to admit it."  Then he chuckled and I asked what's so funny.  He went on to explain that his buddies were having no luck with their stands at all that year.  Toad's Secret Buck Lure was deer repellent, he said "man that stuff really works."

[Trenton G.]

I work at a good course during the summer and one of the big problems that we have every year are skunks and raccoons digging up the airways for worms and grubs. Generally we take a cart and a spotlight out at night and shoot them with a .22, but one night I decided I was going to bring my longbow with some arrows and lighted nocks. I was going to try for raccoons and leave the skunks to the guys with the .22's. Anyways one night we went out and right off the bat had a pair of eyes glowing in the fairway. It took off and ran up a tree, which meant coon and that I was up. My buddy was holding a flashlight next to me so that I could see what I was aiming at. I drew back and the first arrow shaved some hair off his shoulder. This caused the coon to change positions so that I had to get closer to the tree and take a much steeper shot. The flashlight was repositioned next to me and I shot again. This time I got him right through the chest. He started to lose his grip and fell out of the tree. Up to this point it had never occurred to me to back up away from the tree. I was just standing there watching. Suddenly though I had a ticked of raccoon falling straight towards me. My buddy panicked and took off with the light leaving me in the dark. The only thing I could see was my red lighted nock bouncing from limb to limb, and which hit the ground with a snarl and came right at me. At this point my buddy decided to help out by shining the light on me and blinding me, which makes running kind of difficult. He later told me that it looked like I was running from a firefly. The coon didn't last more than a few seconds, but it was pretty exciting. My buddy got his payback later that night when the skunk that he shot sprayed.

[Curtiss Cardinal]

At deer camp in Northern Lower peninsula of Michigan my one but is a mountain dew junkie. We are at the breakfast table and instead of coffee he is drinking and so liter bottle of Dew. He doesn't bleach once,
. After breakfast we go out and put on our camo that is hanging in trees so as to keep camp smells off of it. My but puts on a brand new set of Scentlok. When he bends over to the his boots there is an eruption from deep inside him that may well have been worthy of a Guinness World record. A couple of guys down wind gag and cough. I take a sip of coffee and say, "Well I guess that proves those suits don't work, or you just burned a hole through the seat of your pants."

[Cyclic-Rivers]

This week I was turkey hunting. Had a nice gobbler come past my first window at 10 yards but couldn't turn to shoot due to cramped quarters with my dad in there. After a while the neighbor lady went for a walk and we packed up since she was doing laps through the property.  Went back to the house and a flock of turkeys moved across the driveway in front of us. Came back an hour later to meet the farrier who said a flock of turkeys was standing in the driveway.  Worked on the house for a couple hours when I came outside a couple turkeys were sitting at the base of our steps.  I need to hunt from the house instead of carrying all my gear to the woods.

[Cyclic-Rivers]

[9 Shocks]

Dad's buddy drew a limited draw tag to hunt some primo ground in MO.  He hung a stand in a great spot and got settled in early.  About 9am he had to do his business but had been seeing deer since he got up in the tree.  He decided to lean over the edge of his stand and hang onto the seat.  Well when he went to wipe he misplaced his grip and fell 12 ft right into his poop flat on his back.  It was then he realized that he was so excited seeing deer all morning from dawn in the field he was overlooking that he forgot to put his harness on the tree.  After catching his breath because he knocked the wind out of himself...He reached down and felt his man hood and said, "oh thank god." and got up and went home, threw his poopy jacket away and shot a 12 point the next morning.