From an old cowboy friend....
Don't worry 'bout the mule, just load the wagon.
If I tell ya a grasshopper will pull a plow, just find the harness.
If I tell ya a chicken dips snuff, just look under his wing for the snuff can.
From my Mom...
Smile, it could be worse. Sure enough, I smiled and it got worse!
From my dad...
Boy I'll kick your backside so hard, it'll make your ears bleed!
From a pick-up man at a rodeo I was working, as clown and bullfighter when a bull made a close pass at me...man that was close. My answer as I opened my shirt to show him the blood and bruise forming...Close, you need glasses.