Funniest thing that happened to you bowhunting?

[Onions]

This did not happen to me, but to a good friend.
He was in his treestand watching a squirrel above him.
Rule #1 keep you mouth closed while looking up at a squirrel.
The squirrel decided to relieve his bladder, and it went right into my buddies mouth!!!

chris <><

[ronp]

A couple years ago I was out in near blizzard conditions, heavy snow and high winds.  And cold.  I was sitting under a small hemlock tree, toasty warm wearing my Ron LaClair wool longhunters shirt and hood during the late bow season.  Any way, I keep hearing or feeling a clicking noise. I was resting my head against the trunk of the tree.  I thought maybe it was the wind hitting the branches together or something.  I finally look up, and there I was staring at a big ol' porcupine about 1 foot from my head!  It must have been as startled as me, because I launched out of my seat and he turned inside out and sped back up the tree.  I figured I would sit back down under the hemlock, but the porcupine crawled out on a branch no thicker than my thumb, directly above me.  He sat there hugging that limb as the wind rocked him back and forth about 3 feet side to side.  About 6 feet above me.  Since I didn't want the porcupine to fall on me, I relented and moved.  He sat there for the 2 additional hours that I hunted.  It was pretty funny at the time.

[far rider]

Went on a guided hog hunt, yeah, yeah I know, but I was new to it and didn't know the area. Anyway, I spent the morning on stand watching a wallow area with no luck, and decided to stalk in the afternoon. I had received the standard "you have to be careful with these critters" speach in the begining, along with "your going to hunt them with that!" puzzled look and all. We worked our way into an area that looked promicing and there they were. So, forward I pressed, with my "guide " right behind me. "Be careful, don't ya think we're close enough", "how close you need to be to use that thing" I kept hearing from behind me. I didn't realise it at the time, but the voice was getting a little more faint with each plea for action! As the shot presented itself, I anchored and released with a nice quartering shot on a medium sized red hog. It ran off squealing....well like a pig and I turned around to high five my "guide" and realized why his voice was becoming faint. He had managed to shinney up an eight inch gum tree to a height of around 15'. This guy was about 5' 4" and at least 280, and the tree was beginnig to bow over with his weight. I sat down and laughed so hard I couldn't pay attention to the direction the hogs ran! I was either very stupid, or he was a real frady cat.

[GingivitisKahn]

Lol @ Chris40

     

That's some good stuff!

[Tatersalad]

Another Poop story...sorry dad but i'm going to tell it!

Back about 25 years ago a few of my buddies and i went out drinking and chasing the other whitetail.  Got back from drinking beer all night and caught a few hours of sleep and decided to hit the stand.  Alls well unitl about 30 minutes to dusk...my stomach starts grawling and grumbling..apparently the 4 chilli dogs i ate at the circle K were not quite agreeing with my stomach.  So i decide to climb down the stand and get rid of the chilli dogs...I started to climb down the first step of the ladder and i broke out with a horrible case of the cold sweats with poop gramps coming in waves every 3 to 4 seconds.  I decide I can't make it down without pooping on myself so i climb back in the stand and try for a few minutes to talk my ass out of wanting to take a poop.  Well after a few more minutes of gramp waves i decide my best option is to pull my pants down and crap out the stand.  Well 4 chilli dogs and a couple of pitchers of beer...will pretty much coat the right side of a ladder stand!  I cut part of my shirt tail off for toilet paper and finished what was left of my hunt.  I get back to the camp and my dad asks what i saw...i tell him nothing (i wonder why i didn't see anything LOL).  He starts in on how good that stand is and that there should be big bucks running all around it.  Well fast forward to the next mornings hunt...my dad says "hey i'm going to the hunt the stand you did last night and kill a big old buck!"  I tried my best to talk him out of it...all along not fessing up to the poop fest i had on the ladder..but he will have none of it...he's hunting that stand.

So of we go in the dark...we stop at my stand and wish him luck as he leaves in the dark to go to the stand i crapped all over the afternoon before.  I sat in my stand thinking about all the trouble i was going to be in when we got back from the morning hunt....it was the longest 4 hours ive spent on the stand in my life.

Well finally i see my dad at about 10:00 AM walking up the logging road to my stand...I'm in  a full pantic at this point knowing the ****s getting ready to hit the fan (no pun intended).  As he approaches my stand i can see the disgust on his face...i'm thinking to myself i'm dead!  Hateing the dreadful silience i ask inocently "how was your hunt?"  And he starts mumbling about he's got **** all over himself from head to toe...i'm think here it comes.  Than i hear the words come out of his mouth.."A dang coon must have visited the stand after you hunted and crapped all over the ladder...and i didn't see it when i climbed the ladder until it was too late...I have coon crap all over me...and it stinks something awful!"  

My prayers were answered!! All i could say wa "sorry to hear you had such a bad hunt" we walked back to the camp in silience.

Well fast forward about 15 years...and one afternoon out of guilt..i fessed up to crapping all over the ladder the night before he hunted the stand....he just looked at me and shook his head saying..."if you tell anyone I'm going to put my boot so far up your ass you'll never **** again!!"

Sorry dad!  Just had to tell someone!!

Tatersald.

[Don Stokes]

While we're on the subject... my ex was/is an avid hunter. Many years ago she had to go, and went into the bushes. She was wearing one of those hunting coats with the game pocket inside, and didn't notice that it was hanging loose- that is, until she finished. She wouldn't let me tell that story while we were still married.

[wapitimike1]

I know a bud of mine that happened to in a climber. Needless to say he didn't make it down the tree.  He painted himself pretty good though! Me I would call it bizarr. I had some old nature boy shuck his pants down and promenade!!

[Chris40]

I'm glad you guys appreciated that story...It was a tramatic experience for me.  One thing I learned was to NEVER let that happen to me again!  If I'm going hunting at 5am, I get up at 3.  My wife even asked me why I get up so early?  "does it take you that long to prepare?"  YES it does.  I'll drink coffee and dip skoal until it does happen.  (Something about Skoal and coffee and my stomach)
  Here's a pee story that cost me a buck of a life time (provided I hit him)  Last season.  In my stand, it's about 7 am, just getting light.  I had to pee SO BAD, my back teeth were "drawing sea pay".  It's prime shooting time..so I hold it and hold it and hold it some more.Finally, I can't hold it.  In a panic I rip my pee bottle out of my pack, manage to get junior out and pee so hard, I almost blew the bottle out of hand.  (for real)  My knees were buckling..It was damp out and I never heard this buck coming.  I just happen to look down and he's right under my stand looking up at me.  I'm not even close to being done and am quite concerned about over filling my 16oz gator aid bottle.  Anyhow, he lets out a nice big snort and trots off..I swear to God, if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have luck at all ;-)

[IndianaBowman]

I was 16 years old and my dad, brother-in-law and a couple other guys were bowhunting for hogs on a preserve near Crossville, TN - I know, I know.. I was only 16.  Anyway, they'd run the hogs with dogs and the dogs would catch up to the hogs and bite and chew on the hogs nut sack. They evidently had a time with this one hog of about 150#s. Like you and I would be, this hog was mad! The dogs had it bayed up at the bottom of an open oak flat, but as soon as the hog saw my dad and I coming down the hill he took off after my dad. I was off to the left a little ways. Well my dad was not a small or slender fellow and when that hog started toward him he only thought of getting away and found this little smooth bark ironwood tree. He'd try to shinny up the tree a ways and would get a couple feet up and the slide down. He did this two or three times before the hog was close enought that it wasn't an option anymore. He finally just tried to spin around the little tree and keep it between him and the hog. He didn't have to hold the hog off too long because the hog evidently heard me laughing my rear end off and decided I was a better target. My dad could've been tusked to pieces and I wouldn't have been any help. I was laughing too hard to even breathe.  After the hog headed in my direction it wasn't nearly as funny. When he started my way I turned and all that old hog saw was butthole and elbow. I was gettin' it out of there. I made it to a 4' woven wire fence about the same time he did. I did a Fosbury Flop over the fence and kicked that hog right in the face as it hit the fence full force. That seemed to deter him a bit and he turned and trotted off. I still swear he was snickering as he left.

[NorthernCaliforniaHunter]

Happened to me too... Cleared the clothes but not the fletching on every one of the arrows in my quiver. Note to self: don't leave the hip quiver on while "coppin' a squat".  

[PSUBowhunter]

It was the first day of the 2003 archery season and was very hot. On that particular day, me and one of my buddies decided to go try a place that I had hunted some in the previous years because there was a lot of standing corn around. We had also seen several nice bucks, including the biggest buck I have ever seen in the wild, on this farm before the season. We were not aloud to hang stands on this property, so we were forced into using our climbing stands. By the time I got situated into the tree I usually hunted in, I was so hot and sweaty that I figured I would not see any deer. As soon I started to get cooled down I got the feeling I was going to have to take a leak. Now I know a lot of people will say that human urine has no effect on deer, but I just can’t let myself spread all that scent after working so hard to contain the rest of my scent.
   I knew that climbing back down the tree then back up it was not worth, so I resorted to my only option. I took out my bottle of HS Scents Cover-Up scent and sprayed myself down one last time and dumped the rest onto the ground and used the empty bottle as a “storage” container. I sealed the bottle up and set it on my stand and went back to hunting. After a fairly slow night, I packed up and headed by to my car. But some were along the way I dropped the bottle and didn’t realize it. This is where it gets interesting.
   On the following Saturday morning, I shot a buck. I was not sure of the hit, so we let it go until 2:00 p.m. My buddy that hunted with me on the first night, and my dad, brother, and brother-in-law all came to help recover the animal. Luckily we located the buck in about 20 minutes. When we were all back at my place taking care of the deer, I mentioned how a couple of does had scented me earlier in the morning. Someone brought up the topic of using cover scent. As were are talking, my little brother mentions that him and his buddy Jeff had been using this cover up sent that he said smelled really bad. He said they found the bottle last week and had been spraying each other down with is before every hunt. Now by this time I was starting to wonder what kind of scent this was. So I asked to see the bottle. As soon as I saw, I asked him were he had gotten it, and sure enough he said he had found it on the tram road leading back into were I had hunted on the first evening. At this point me and my buddy are laughing so hard we can’t even stand up. Some how I managed to tell them the story and that my little brother had been spraying himself and his buddy down with my pee all week. The bad thing was, was that by that time the bottle was empty and my brother informed that they both had been spraying down everything with it, head nets, hats, everything. To this day I still bust up laughing every time I see a bottle of HS Scents.

[Killdeer]

Did you offer them free refills?
What's a brother for?

Killdeer  

[wingnut]

This is part of a story that Trashwood (Rusty) wrote about our elk hunt a couple years back when we got into a bunch of grouse.

"We were working Elk at least one hunt everyday and most of the days we were on them morning and evening but now I was hunting split vision. One eye for 'em hissey elk and da other from dem wonderful grouse.

Toward the end of the second week we had spotted an area that we called grouse alley    Wa HOOOOOOOOOOO. We decide to go pester the elk in grouse alley and then just stop by and check on my friends DA GROUSE!.....

Wingnut is on da point. Got his tail in da air and getting small for da grouse stalk. He's gotta her spotted. Now first off it will make ya giggle to see wingnut da bear getting grouse small for da stalk.....WHACK and grouse down fills da air. Wound! Wingnut is now 4x4 moving like a black bear trying to hook his runner with his log bow and string. I see Wingnut's butt disappear over the draw just as I see another grouse behind him. Well OK I let Wingnut take a few more crawls to clear a shot window for me....ya know safety first and beside we'as a shooting 38 cases  . WHACK! oh dang another runner and a fast one. Wingnut has string hooked his grouse and broke da grouses neck only to look back up and see me and my grouse making like greyhounds around a little pecker pole. I throw a shoe string tackle on my runner only to have him break da tackle; By dis time Wingnut has another one in his eye and about to put the stalk on it. I'm back up on my feet and hard on the tail for my runner......Wingnut says "Dang it Rusty ya'as a scaring my grouse".........Now that really hit my funny bone. Here is a guy 6'4" 260#, just broke a grouse neck by hand, looking like da cat dat eat the canary, he's got grouse feathers all in his bread, da air is full of grouse down he's got a 38 case blunt gapped on another poor ole grouse and he thinks I'm scaring he's dang grouse. Well now dat just took all da wind out of my open field runner after my winged grouse. Lucky my grouse run on da other side of Wingnut and he put the WHACK on it. Now he gets grouse small for da stalk on his new grouse in da tree. I'm on da ground hysterical with laughter. WHACK! Another grouse hits the dirt.....and he thinks I scaring 'em poor little grouse. Well dar is da big bear he's got more grouse feather in da air from two (well one and one-half, I'm claiming a 1/2 on my runner) He was down wind of his last grouse in da tree wo now he is litter cover with grouse feathers and stand in a pile of them. got a grim on his face now like da cat dat ate da canary....and the absurdity of his statement hit him or made it was just that fact that I was about to expire cause I could get enough oxygen to breath I'as a laughing so hard.

Well I guess it was one of 'em times ya just had to be there but I laughed myself silly "

And it was just that funny.

Mike

[joevan125]

I never go hunting without my nonscented babywipes after years of experience in the field.

I went on my first Canadian hunt back in 2005 and me and my buddies started drinking befor we ever left the states early that morning.

The first morning of our hunt it was way below zero and my stomach just couldnt take it anymore so i grabbed my backpack and broke the world record 100 yard dash back up the trail.

After i got through doing my business i reached in my backpack to get my non scented baby wipes and they were so frozen i could have driven a nail into a tree with them.

Thank God for smartwool underwear.  

[Grayseas]

The second Friday of 2009 archery season, on my way home from work I saw 4 doe out in a cut corn field. i drove past the field and stocked back along the rail road tracks, about 75 yards ahead of me the deer crossed the tracks, and proceeded cross the rd and feed in someones front yard, I had a 30 yard broad side shot at the biggest doe. Not wanting to shoot across the road at into some one front yard I did not take the shot. I then notice the deer started to follow a cat around the yard, the cat crossed back across the road and wound up about 20 yard in front of me, on the tracks. The deer were following the cat ( I was thinking perfect). The first doe was just about to the edge of the tracks, and the cat noticed her, and ran back across the road and out back of the house, and of coarse the deer followed it.    dang Cat !!!!

[JMartin]

                Thanks for some great stories!

[adeeden]

This happened in route to a hunting trip but it's a good one!

Myself and my dad had flew out to Durango Colorado for an upcoming elk hunt from Indianapolis, IN. We had a 2:00 A.M flight to catch and arrived at the aairport around midnight, so we both had only a cat nap before we left.

We arrived in Durango early in the A.M. and were staying the night in a local hotel where our outfitter was picking us up the following morning. Well once we arrived at the hotel we had a pretty buisy day running errands for groceries and last minute supplies for our hunt, and doing a little sight seeing around town. Anyway by 5 P.M. or so we were completley beat and decided to call it a night and hit the rack.

The phone woke me and I looked at the clock and it said 7:00! Crap the outfitter was supposed to pick us up at that exact time. The phone was empty when I answered it and I asssumed it was out wake up call, So I yelled at Dad and we both scrambled to gather gear and head outside in front of the lobby area. It was cool and cloudy and we were excited to be heading out! By seven thirty the outfitter had not showed so I went back up to our room and called them. They said they were not scheduled to pick us up until the following day! I was confused and argued that according to my plans we due to be picked up today! They insisted I was wrong and told me they would pick me up the next day. Confused I walked back downstairs and explained to Dad the conversation I had with out outfitter.

Realizing that there wasn't much we could do we went to the desk to book another night at the hotel. The clerk looked at me like I was crazy  (I'm somewhat used to that look). He said so you will be checking out on th 9th? I said no we will be checking out on 8th. He said we were already scheduled to check out on the 8th. I said no I had only reserved one night and now needed a second we hadn't reserved two days originaly. Once again I get the crazy look. I turned sround to say something to Dad when it all hit me. It was not morning, when I looked behind him I could see it was getting not darker not lighter! We had only slept two hours not all night and we thought it was already the next day! Needless to say the desk clerk had a great laugh, and so did our outfitter a little later when I explained it all to him!

The phone call I ended up finding out later that evening was my wife calling mwe to tell me our middle child had dislocated his shoulder in a baseball game! It just so happened she called at exactly 12 hours before we were suppose to get a wake up call!

[el_kirk]

These are good ones guys, keep them coming.

When I was a kid down in Texas I got dropped off near a ground blind to hunt for the morning.  I took my bow and knelt down on the ground behind the branches that had been piled up to make a blind (pretty high tech blind, I know) and waited.  My knees were on the ground, with my butt resting on my heels.  I figured that when I shot I could raise up and shoot over the top of the blind this way.  Pretty smart, I thought.

So I waited.  And waited.  And waited..........It's full light now and there's a horn honking out by the road, so I stand up and realize my feet have gone to sleep.  

I fell over and my feet wouldn't work because they hadn't had any blood in them for so long.  They honked again and I finally managed to get moving toward the old dirt road before they sent out a search party.  When I got back to the truck I caught a ration of **** for falling asleep and nobody would believe that it was just my feet that were sleeping!

Kirk

[fido dog]

I've got Y'all BEAT!!

I was on my FIRST hunt a couple of weeks ago. My buddy had some skunk scent.....yep. Told me to dip 4 Q-Tips and put them in the blind with me. I was a LITTLE suspicious of that many. I kinda' saw them giggling on their way out. Stank to High Heaven!

Guess what!?!? I took them with me and FROZE them!! They are vacuum sealed and in a small margarine container. Guess what's going to happen in the middle of summer next year??? Right under the seat in the truck....opened!

Don't mess with a prankster with patience....hehe!

Good times and I laughed!

[misfire]

Several years ago I was out hunting on a beautiful Fall morning. Not being a great fan of tree stands I had built a nice ground blind about 30 yds off some unused RR tracks next to a well used deer run. About twenty yds further along the run I made a scrape. Because these tracks hadn’t been used in years the Yuppies found them to be a great place for wilderness walks (without actually having to go into the woods). Shortly after setting up I could hear voices coming down the tracks. Sure enough a Yuppie couple out for their walk, wearing their best LL Bean attire. When they got to the point where the deer cross the tracks the guy points out the foot prints and convinces the lady to follow them and maybe catch a glimpse of an elusive Whitetail. They followed the trail till they came to the “scrape”. He pointed it out to his wife and proceeded to tell her how the male Whitetail deer will clear an area on the ground and urinate in it. The female Whitetail deer will then come along, smell the urine and know that he is around and available for a little romance. The lady pondered this for a moment then got down on all fours and stuck her nose in the scrape. After taking a deep sniff she lifted her head and exclaimed “I don’t smell anything!”

I could not help myself. I burst out laughing which of course scared the heck outta them. The guy started chuckling when he realized I was not a wild animal but the lady apparently didn’t have a sense of humor cause she demanded they leave right now refusing to acknowledge my apologies