Coming clean!!

[Mudd]

The thread I started to answer was "Let us hear about some close calls with bow" but as I started to share I thought this is the time for me to trust others and just come clean. So, here it is....

      "There have been so many things that have happened over the years but the 1st thing that comes to my mind was caused by my in-experience of having deer out in front of me in shooting distance and my all too common bouts with panic attacks that were the results of past experiences caused by my time spend in Vietnam where I learned to fear for my life.

   Over the years I've had this happen more than once(I sure hate to admit this)but I am going to anyway.
When the deer stepped out into my shooting comfort zone the normal case of nerves(buck fever) turned into what felt like a life threatening situation.
My legs started involuntarily jerking, my chest was hurting and it felt as if my heart was going to explode.
 
      This isn't a fun or comfortable feeling. I remember thinking, "one of two things has to happen, either my hearts slows down or it stops altogether!" By now I start feeling dizzy and my legs have all but turned to rubber when my panic attack strikes.
 
     At that point things go from bad to seriously terrible. I managed to get my bow hung up and wrapped my arms around the tree just trying to stay where I was. I had a safety belt on but with today's knowledge I know now it was a false sense of security that it provided and nothing else. In reality it may have been more dangerous than wearing nothing.

It had turned from an exciting time deer hunting to a nightmare filled with what was to me a very real fear of dying.
 
I closed my eyes and began praying. I can't say exactly how long I was holding onto the tree praying but I finally had to get seated because my legs weren't going to hold me any longer.

     After what seemed like forever, I managed to get my heart slowed down to the point my chest wasn't hurting any more. I asked myself if I was having fun yet. There was a bunch of self talk going on all the while I was still praying.
     My best guess is this all took somewhere between 10 and 15 minutes to pass. I was soaking wet, literally drenched in my own sweat when I got calm enough to open my eyes, The deer was still standing there eating alfalfa, I picked up my bow and managed the shot, which was right on the money. The deer ran maybe 60-70 yds across the field and fell out in the wide open.

    I was so new to bowhunting back then that I remember asking myself "Do I still need to give him some time?...lol my answer was "hey stupid, he's down in your sight, why wait?"

   Until now not many people have heard this story or know that I suffered for years with extreme PTSD and anxiety attacks. I am sharing this now because its no longer "My dirty little secret" and archery(one of Gods' many gifts to me) has changed my life.
I thank God for archery and my love for it. I have been blessed by it again and again. It has helped me over the years to get better at just learning to love life again, a life NOT filled with fear but with LOVE."

Thanks for allowing me to open up and share my heart with you. I am truly a blessed man and you are a big part of that blessing.

With all the love of Christ!
God bless,Mudd

[Whip]

I have never experienced what you have Mudd, so I can only try to imagine.  I suppose that most of us have only experienced the extreme rush of adrenaline primarily when involved in a close encounter with deer.  For you, your days in Vietnam I'm sure brought many times of extreme adrenaline output, and you naturally now associate those feelings with life threatening situations.  It's the same chemical reaction of the body, but in two entirely different situations.

I pray that you are now able to feel the pleasure of adrenaline and associate it with only good things.  Thank you for what you did for us all over there.

[Robert Honaker]

Hmmm, not much I can say here except thanks for your service to our country.
Part of dealing with something like that is to let people know and I'm glad to hear that you have come to grips with it.
Trad archery is good for the soul, but God is even better. Part way through the post I was thinking you should dive into The Good Book and put your faith in Jesus. It will take the weight of the whole world off your shoulders. As I read further I see you have already done that. Your in good company.

My son is a Marine and will be headed to Afghan. before long. I don't like to think about the things he will be put through, but he knows Christ and that is enough for me.
   
It's also amazing, at least to me, the  therapeutic value of the flight of an arrow. I can't explain it, i just know it's there. I'm sure everyone here can relate. The grinding of everyday life simply vanishes for a while with a fine tuned recurve in my hands.

You've done well.


               

[mrpenguin]

Hey Mudd,

Thanks for sharing that story and your service.

[straitera]

You're hard not to like brother! Thanks for the story. PTSD is a nightmare only worse. Hope you're better. God Bless.

[brill16hockey]

The bow gives us alot more than just meat brother.

[Chris Shelton]

I just want to thank all of you men and women who have served to protect our freedom.  That is truely a sacrafice that is sometimes forgotten in our world today, because of politics and bull.  I am glad you pulled through it and made a awesome shot.  I dont even know ya, but I know now that I respect you and all you have done for me.  So thanks again
God Bless

[twitchstick]

I can't even amagin what fears you have and there is not much I can probaly say. I have lead an easy life thanxs to people like you. I hope and pray that you may never feel thous emotions again. For me time in the woods has solve many problems and maybe it will solve yours if not help.  

[Roger Moerke]

Glad you shared Mudd I believe that having the courage to share your story will be benifitial (sorry for the spelling) to you its a bit of therapy if you will! It's when we keep these secrets locked up that they have power over us.
I too thank you for your service to this Great Land!

[leatherneck]

Amen Mudd,Amen!

[Reaper TN]

My wife has had panic attacks, and my brother who suffers from OCD has also had panic attacks.  I have never experienced them but have seen my loved ones have them and know how you must suffer.  Medication and therapy has helped my brother.  You have nothing to be ashamed of Mudd, thanks for sharing, thanks for your service. I will pray for you Mudd, that God will heal you and bless you.

[Jmgcurve]

Mudd, Thanks for sharing something that I cannot imagine. Usually we hear of things that put shooting a bow in perspective (and this does as well), but isn't is wonderful to see where God allowed bow shooting to help someone--you.

Man the leminin is everywhere in this post.

Brothers in more than one way,
Michael

[Jerry Wald]

No worries big guy. There are lots of us that have panic attacks..good to see your ok. I have them for other reasons and many of mine come from what western culture is doing to the other countries of the world ...sorry.

I couldn't imagine going through a war either, but I will fight to protect my family.

When ever I take a life of a creature I give thanks in my own way. I don't believe in god sorry and please don't think any less of me for that ok.

It breaks my heart to see the innocent ppl in these countries being killed - displaced etc because of the greed of a few.

I still have a hard time believing that the twin towers were an act of terrorism...watch the video...do your own reasearch. Sorry but to me it was demolished all three were...but why and it's never been explained how it could have happened either.

I believe time will prove me right, but everytime I see a war I think - who is profitting off this now.

I do believe this though and this is how I live MY LIFE...do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So I do have a code you see.

If ppl would just live this one code we would live in a peaceful - prosperous world.

Will it happen...dunno...do I have panic attacks about this YES ABSOLUTELY. I just think that you can only go on for so long doing what we are doing before there is judgment day.

Jer bear

[Iron]

Mudd, I think i can relate a bit..not the Nam stuff or any war's for that matter.( thanks for the service and my freedom) but the panic/anxiety. new years day 2007 i was in a bad car wreck, i was thrown from a collision at 60mph. a young man lost his life that day and my normal life stopped. untill recent visits to a shrink and some pills, my panic attacks ruled my life.i thought i was going to die at every little pain, i flinched while driving if i saw a car coming. i know exactly what you meant by your heart feeling like it was gonna quit. my chest would hurt so bad, my arms and legs would go numb, i couldnt function. i would just sleep thats the only time i wouldnt feel like crap.i quit duck hunting, i quit pheasants, i quit almost every thing i loved i couldnt handle being away from the comfort of my home , more specifically my recliner. i slowly started shooting a recurve it was my kids toy but it was fun.that prompted me to get a bear grizzly...so between the bow and the Dr. i am finally feeling better. and that means my family has been happier.

God Bless
Jason

[NorthernCaliforniaHunter]

There aren't enough words in the English dictionary to describe the debt of gratitude we Americans owe men like yourself Mudd. God bless you!

As for your heart PLEASE HAVE IT CHECKED OUT. You described a lot of the warning signs of a heart attack and may very well have had a minor one.

[centaur]

PM'd you.

[Mudd]

Thanks for all the kind words of support. I owe a lot to archery but I know that one of the many blessing I've gotten and continue to get especially when I get on here and get to share this space with all of you.
I want everyone to know that happened years ago and with My God, good counseling, and medication(which I have been off of for a couple of years now) My life is so much better. I did get my heart checked out(it's all good), that's when I found out only one lung is working. The human body is truly an amazing creation, my other lung has taken up most of the slack and I go anywhere I want to now.

I was in Colorado this past summer at NYR and got along just fine.

I ended our last season yesterday with a bunny hunt with young Master Jefferson13. We had a great time and as usual for me "no rabbits were harmed in the making of this hunt!" I was a bit surprised that we got as much shooting as we did, it was very cold and windy but the bunnies were there.

Thanks again folks!! I love you guys!
With all the love of Christ
God bless,Mudd

BTW I managed to get another MOAB 60" 47@28 headed my way tomorrow!! Yahoo!! I'll be digging more flower beds this spring..lol

[Corn Stalker]

Not much to say that has not already been said. Thank you seems in adequate but it is all I have to offer.
Thank You for your service and Thank You for your honest story.

[George D. Stout]

Mudd, thank you for that story, and thank you a hundred times for your service.  God bless.

Mudd, you know I have had the same problem for years, lots of things can kick it off. Like for myself this past season was intense pain levels, but I have had them come on just thinking about something that made me nervous.  I can control them by using tapping techniques most of the time.  I can control buck fever the same way, provided of course that the buck fever is not so bad that i forget to do the tapping the healer within routine.  If you are going to ever pass out from a panic attack always lay on your left side, it is better for your breathing.  It is a good test for ones heart though.  If your heart can survive a panic attack it can withstand a lot.