Forgive me if this sounds esoteric or obscure (and really long!) but I wanted to share some thoughts with you. This is an evolution of introspection, journaling, reading, and therapy. I know that many of you will relate and thought you might find a sense of connection in what I’m going to say. There really isn’t a better word for this than “connection” as it seems to permeate all my thoughts on this topic.
Why do I do this hunting thing? And why do I do it the way I do? This is not a simple answer for me when I’m asked this. For some people it seems natural, to others hunting seems unfamiliar and intriguing, to others it’s cruel and barbaric. I can understand each person’s perspective and I know that while we may have commonalities no two people have the same experiences or associations with hunting. I began hunting as a young child in south Texas with my father and friends. From the time I got my first bb gun I was out hunting cottontails. I can recall the sense of pride I felt when I would return with food to be cooked. Eventually I hunted deer and rams with rifles and again felt tremendous pride as I saw it reflected in the faces of others when I was successful in my hunting endeavors. In some sense maybe I am always seeking the feeling of reflected pride from others at my accomplishments.
I shot a bow from an early age and competed in various archery competitions but didn’t begin to hunt with a bow until I was a teenager. I was transfixed by this and have found no pleasure in rifle hunting since. I realize this is not everyone’s experience but let me explain why this has been so for me. It comes back to connection. Hunting is south and central Texas often involved hunting from a box blind. There is an inherent disconnection in this for me which is why I imagine I still have difficulty hunting from a popup blind. There are literal barriers between me and nature and it seems to rob me of what I find most rewarding about hunting. Let me stop for a moment and change my wording, it’s not hunting that I enjoy, it’s the hunting experience. It’s certainly not killing that I’m after or I wouldn’t choose such a low success rate approach (though I realize it’s a much higher success rate for some than for me
). I feel a connection with nature that is unlike any other experience in my life. Looking back, hunting the way I did growing up felt as though I was reaching out from my place of technological and physical privilege and taking what I wanted from nature. That is innately dis-connecting, I am separate and removed from, rather than apart of. What I have grown to value is the sense of oneness that I’m seeking. It’s funny to try and explain to someone why an experience that makes me feel so much smaller and insignificant can be so comforting. When I’m in nature rather than observing it from a distance I begin to realize that it’s not about me.
I have a job that will probably always require me to live near a big city. There is something for me about living in a city that causes me to become more egocentric and experience the world as if it’s revolving around me. When I am provided the blessing of going to the country for a period I realize that this natural drama, this life or death struggle, is unfolding without me. It doesn’t need me to be present to go on. It began long before me and will continue long after I’m gone. I can understand why for some this is unsettling but for me it is strangely calming. From one perspective this makes me much smaller in the scheme of things, from another perspective if makes me feel much bigger. If I can erase the unnatural disconnection between my life and the natural world around me I become a part, connected, with something so much greater than me. It connects me to the present, the past, and the future. It provides not only a connection with nature but the men and women that have come before me and lived off the land. There is also something about the realization that we are not as powerful or have as much control as we like to think that grounds me. I’m not thrill seeking, it’s not some outlet for a death instinct, but hunting in an environment with snakes, hogs, bears, mountain lions, etc. is also oddly comforting to me. I feel privileged, but I am not privileged when I’ve entered the natural drama. The ways in which we view and value (and sadly devalue) each other is irrelevant to the wildlife and natural conditions. I am part of the circle of life, not just at the top of it. Nature is no respecter of persons.
This brings me back to traditional archery as my chosen form of hunting. There is an intimacy that comes with traditional archery. A hunter must be close and personal with the animals he/she is hunting. This has led to an incredible appreciation for the wildlife I hunt. I have learned so much from watching animals at close distances. They live a life of present experience; their very lives depend on it. While we often find ourselves reminiscing or regretting our past, anticipating or dreading our future, they live in the moment. Hunting in this way forces me to be as present minded as they are. Every sound, movement, and sensation is heightened. I often feel more alive in these moments than any other time. I feel a respect and appreciation for every animal harvested. I find it difficult to watch most hunting shows because of, what I perceive to be, disrespect for the animals they hunt. It seems that those people whose lives and the lives of their families depend on hunting and gathering are in relationship with nature and the wildlife in a way that demands respect. While I will likely never have that sort of relationship, the respect is something I strive for. For those who have seen the opening scene of Last of the Mohicans, or the relationship between man and animal portrayed in Legends of the Fall, there is connection with wildlife that is special to me. May we all strive to respect and value each other and the nature we are blessed to be a part of.
Let me close by saying this, at times I struggle mightily with what I know and believe about God or spirituality, but there is a spiritual connection that I experience when I’m holding a stick and string in my hand and walking or sitting amidst the natural world. Whether or not I attend a building with other people, the natural world is my church. I am grateful for every moment I have in this worship service. Thanks for taking these few moments to connect with me. I have enjoyed connecting with many of you as I read your stories and share in your experiences.
Zane
Topic: Why I do this (Read 577 times)
