This spring I was turkey hunting near a river bed. I was sitting amongst some wild raspberry bushes when a bluebird landed on my shoulder.
Zippadeedoodaa.
ASAT camo RULES!
But that's not what I want to tell you about.
Back in the late 70s NJ re-instituted turkey hunting. Around 1980 I was on my first turkey hunt. Now, you fellas from other parts may have had turkey hunting all your lives, but for me, it was all new. In fact, I had never seen wild turkey in my life.
Regardless, I was determined to get one. So I went out with my box call, shotgun, a few stakes and some camo painted burlap for a blind.
I decided to build the blind three sided with a large tree as the 4th side. This way I had a good view all around and something to lean against.
I got into the woods one morning about 45 minutes before sun up and got set up. I had just settled in when I started hearing the familiar crunch of a deer approaching. From my blind spot, of course.
Since it was spring and not neer season I quickly lost interest in the deer and started calling. To my amazement and utter joy the toms started gobbling.
I heard them fly down and worked that call like I'd been hunting turkey all my life. I could hear the gobblers coming in and eventually I saw them exiting the woods on my right and into the field where my decoy was set up.
Unlike the turkeys I see on TV, even to this day I have never had a tom just flat out run for my decoy. They gooble a bit, strut a bit and kind of meander in. Often stopping 20 or 30 yards away and never coming an inch closer.
A couple toms with jakes trailing were now about 20 yards away. They weren't coming any closer as far as I could tell, so I started to lift my gun and get ready for a shot. As I lifted my gun I heard that deer again, this time right behind me. I guess I hadn't heard the crunching over my calling. And I guess the toms had heard or seen the deer and decided to take off.
Remember, turkey hunting to me was new, and really, no one in my area was what you'd call skilled in the ways of the turkey.
So forgive me for thinking that the turkeys were run off by a deer.
Well, with my hunt blown and me now in a foul mood I decided to give that deer a piece of my mind. I figured to just jump out and scare the hell out of it. But when I did...
I was front and center of the largest turkey that had ever walked the earth! 5 feet tall and 200 pounds I swear!
I fell back, tripped over my blind, crashed to the ground and was up and running like the wind. The giant turkey... I never looked back so I have no idea what happened to it.
I told this story to only a few friends and of course, no one believed me. After a while I started to doubt that it had ever happened. Soon it was more a dream than anything else.
Until...
About 8 years later I was driving to work. I wasn't two miles from my house, on a back road no less, when I hit a traffic jam. Now many of you NOT from NJ assume there is traffic everywhere. Not so. NJ has a lot of farm land. More farmland than anything else, really. So a traffic jam on a Sussex back road is NOT normal.
Anyway, as I sat there (I assumed there was an accident ahead) waiting for the traffic to clear I saw what I never thought I would ever see again. A giant turkey! Running right down the middle of the road! Toward me!
I started to sweat, sure this creature was coming right for me. I was just the most unreal thing that has ever happened. And then it was past me. I looked around and I could tell that the other drivers had just seen the same thing by the puzzled, comical looks on their faces.
Then a moment later a huge farm boy came lumbering past... chasing the giant turkey.
I DO NOT USE DRUGS!
That's what I told myself then and I am telling you now.
I never made it to work that day. I was too shook up.
The next morning's headline --
Escaped Emu Stops Traffic.
Yup. An emu. I have since found out that there is an emu farm not two miles from my house. Only about 500 yards from where the giant turkey stopped traffic and only 3 or 4 miles from where I was turkey hunting several years before. I can only assume that another one escaped 8 years prior and was wandering around the refuge I was hunting in.
I wonder what they taste like.