Hunting camp practicle jokes.

[Mike Theis]

Oh, "Elk turd" milk dud trail snacks. . . very funny. Too bad you couldn't keep it together, adding, "Hey, they're feeding on service berry!"    

[Kip]

Opening weekend of squirel season in our parish is a big deal school closes the friday.My son-in-laws invite guest every year.If it is a new guy always wanting to help I tell him to grab a can of orange paint nearby and come with me.I drive down the road a ways and make him paint a circle around the road kill.After a couple of paintings he asked why and I tell him dead serious that if we do not kill enough for dinner tomorrow we come back down the road and pick up all the road kill with no orange circle b/c it is fresh enough.Their look is priceless and also makes them hunt harder.Kip

[Sockrsblur]

Lol great stories guys!
I have a couple hopefully it doesn't offend anyone... I suppose we all have a different sense of humor. Having said that here we go...
We have a group 5 cabins off the hard road and off the grid all up in the woods nicely. One year I was bow hunting the last evening of archery, the next morning was the gun opener. I came back to camp very late after dark to my two brothers andfather eagerly awaiting a successful story. I walked through the door with a smile and no one could speak a full sentence before they started the "o my!!!" "What in the hell..." "is that skunk?" I bust out laughing and said "well well there is always a story!" Returning to camp I crossed paths with a trophy skunk and decided he would.look great in Conne

[Sockrsblur]

Look great in Connecticut Waynes treestand as dawn found the timber. It took some time but i rigged the smelly guy using the pull up rope so the skunk was well over head a standing hunter. At the base of his treestand I took some trophy photos of me with my bow and skunk making sure his treestand was in the photo. Not till Christmas time we sent the photos to him or admit a thing. Opening day we could hardly wait but no one said a word. After dark a different neighbor Joe came over and retold the story we knew only to well... he could hardly get it out he was laughing so hard... old Wayne grumpily climbed into his treestand in the dark unable to find damn pullup rope. It smelled terrible cuz a skunk must have been through there. He sat there in horrible stench most the morning till he noticed dry blood on his seat after standing up. He then looked up to see the business end of peppe le pew above his head... Christmas time he learned who but not till then... the following year was even better... to be cont...

[LKH]

Tape plastic wrap across the outhouse  seat below the flip lid.  Leave camp.

[BDann]

[Keefer]

I'm on the other side of the world competeing the final stages of our third adoption and came across this thread and totally      this just makes my day really...I can't wait to get back from sight seeing and getting needed supplys so I can complete reading these jokes....

[dcmeckel]

I was on a Deer lease on the Mexican border in southern Texas a few years with a great bunch of guys. You all know Texas has it's share of Rattle snakes. Well, remember the old alarm clocks with the two bells and clapper on top? I remaved the bells,wired a small Rattle snake rattle on the clapper and set it to go off a we bit after we normally got out of the sack. The sound those guys made in that tin shack sounded like marbles in a Fruit cake tin!!

Me and 3 buddies were mule deer hunting in NM one year. We were not having much luck and on about the 4th day one guy split off from the group trying to look over some new ground. Well, my other buddy killed a rattlesnake that afternoon. He first tried to scare me with it by putting it right at the back of the truck where I had to climb in. It was kind of getting dark and I was very tired. I stepped right over the thing and never noticed it. He was agrowl that his ruse did not work and threw the snake in the back of the truck.

Back at camp, the three of us who had rode together , got cleaned up in our cusrtom camp shower and then ate dinner. The shower was a neat custom built set up with a 12V bilge pump in a 5 gallon bucket. You heated the water on the fire or stove, put it in the bucket. We had a car battery to power the bilge pump and it was a sweet set up. This was all constructed in a small 3'x3'x6'tall tent called a privacy shelter. The shelter had a zipper in the middle of one of the sides from top to bottom.

Anyway, we get done eating dinner and it is getting pretty late. Just as we start to wonder if wwe are going to have to look for David, he comes straggling into camp. He had got somewhat lost and was totally tuckered out.

My buddy Joe tells David " Hey, we already took our showers and there is hot water waiting for you!"  

David says "thanks" and immediately goes over, strips down and gets in the shower.

Now Joe was thinking the whole time about his little joke and not really trying to be nice to David. Joe slipped over to the shower and slid the snake under the bottom while David was washing his hair. We all sat back for a few seconds and then there was a blood curdling scream and the whole shower tent exploded as David went running off in his birthday suit.

Now I don't think I could have been so gracious, but after his heart rate fell back down to twice its normal rate and David figured out he had been played, he took it all very well and did not stay mad at us for too long.

To this day I still laugh my butt off evry time I remember this story. If I would have had it on video I'm pretty sure I could have won $100,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos!

Bisch

[23feetupandhappy]

Originally posted by Bisch:
Me and 3 buddies were mule deer hunting in NM one year. We were not having much luck and on about the 4th day one guy split off from the group trying to look over some new ground. Well, my other buddy killed a rattlesnake that afternoon. He first tried to scare me with it by putting it right at the back of the truck where I had to climb in. It was kind of getting dark and I was very tired. I stepped right over the thing and never noticed it. He was agrowl that his ruse did not work and threw the snake in the back of the truck.

Back at camp, the three of us who had rode together , got cleaned up in our cusrtom camp shower and then ate dinner. The shower was a neat custom built set up with a 12V bilge pump in a 5 gallon bucket. You heated the water on the fire or stove, put it in the bucket. We had a car battery to power the bilge pump and it was a sweet set up. This was all constructed in a small 3'x3'x6'tall tent called a privacy shelter. The shelter had a zipper in the middle of one of the sides from top to bottom.

Anyway, we get done eating dinner and it is getting pretty late. Just as we start to wonder if wwe are going to have to look for David, he comes straggling into camp. He had got somewhat lost and was totally tuckered out.

My buddy Joe tells David " Hey, we already took our showers and there is hot water waiting for you!"  

David says "thanks" and immediately goes over, strips down and gets in the shower.

Now Joe was thinking the whole time about his little joke and not really trying to be nice to David. Joe slipped over to the shower and slid the snake under the bottom while David was washing his hair. We all sat back for a few seconds and then there was a blood curdling scream and the whole shower tent exploded as David went running off in his birthday suit.

Now I don't think I could have been so gracious, but after his heart rate fell back down to twice its normal rate and David figured out he had been played, he took it all very well and did not stay mad at us for too long.

To this day I still laugh my butt off evry time I remember this story. If I would have had it on video I'm pretty sure I could have won $100,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos!

Bisch

       

[Greg Szalewski]

I didn't pull this one off but would have if I found the deer. Last fall I was hunting with Whip at his place and he shot a nice buck in the evening. He was unsure of the hit and decided to wait till daylight to look for it. Although it was a questionable hit everything else sounded like the deer was down. He told me to hunt the stand up the hill from his cabin in the morning. I had never been there before but from all the desriptions it was in the direction that the buck had went. I didn't want to go stomping around looking for the deer incase it was not dead but I seached everything with my binos. If I had found the deer I was going to put my tag on it and try to get a pic of the look on his face when he found the tagged deer. I later told him of my dastardly plan and he aksed if I would have actually put him through all the agony of not knowing his deer was going to be recovered. I told him yes and besides his new tracking dog needed the learning experience.
It turned out the curveture of the hill blocked my veiw of the deer. I still would like to pull this one off.  

[Mitch H]

Got a few good ones, but here is one that is still a work in progress….

There is a younger feller that is always begging me to take him along to Quebec on a spring bear hunt. He is alright for a youngster, but he can get on your nerves due to talking too much occasionally. Anyway, about month ago he ramps up the pressure to tag along for the spring 2013 hunt, and offers to take his Kawasaki side x side to help haul hunters from camp to stands and back. With a straight face I tell him that the machine will get destroyed up there because for some crazy reason the bear in Quebec eat anything that is painted lime green like his machine. Yesterday he announces that he has bought and installed all new body parts in camo. Bet that cost a pretty penny.  

I proceeded to tell him that I got a call from the outfitter we hunt with, and the outfitter is requiring steel toe`d boots for all hunters now because the bear are climbing up the tree and you need steel toes for kicking at the bear.

He is buying a pair on monday. LOL

Guess I am going to have to take him along this year……it will be a hunt he will never forget.

[Sockrsblur]

So the fall after the year of the skunk with our neighbors at Toms cabin I wanted to have a good follow up... bow season passed without an opportunity presenting itself ... gun season was underway and camps were full. I returned from a morning hunt early and was doing a few chores around the cabin. I kept hearing a scratching noise on our front porch from inside the cabin. Looking out the windows repeatedly I saw noting. Finally curiousity got the better of me and I opened the door to get a better look. Yikes! I was greeted point blank by a huge porcupine! Ha ha... opportunity had finally knocked... or maybe scratched in the leaves I found a big cardboard box and used a stick to "encourage " him into his temporary residence. With my porcupine in a box I drove as quick as I could to our neighbors hunting cabin. I pulled into the clearing and as luck would have it no one had returned from their morning hunt yet. Rushing I grabbed my porcupine in a box and opened their cabin door went in and spilled him out onto the floor! He hit the carpeting rather unhappy and irritated! I can't really describe the noises he was making and I can't speak porcupine but it no fourth all for the better... I pulled out my camera and as I snapped photos of my angry friend in Toms cabin I heard another strange but familiar noise... OMG!!! Drunk Donnie was passed out in his bunk out of sight... he made another moan and I scurried for the door. As I made the porch and the door closed behind I noticed the hook latch on the outside of the door that Tom used to keep his door closed while not at hunting camp. Perfect! Click! Donnie and the angry porcupine were now securely locked inside the cabin together until someone undid the latch from the outside! Lol I slid back into my truck and traveled the short distance to our hunting camp and waited for the fall out from this one... soon enough my brothers and father made it back from their hunts and I was all smiles. In sharing my happy little story Dad pointed out the probable worse part I had overlooked. Donnie didn't really eat a lot but more drank and made frequent trips to the outhouse... a latched cabin door ment no outhouse and that posed a real problem in his regular schedule! So we waited...

[Jon Stewart]

Another fart joke:

My cousin is a flat out pig when it comes to letting them loose and doesn't care where or when.  My cousin, his wife and I were in a store buying groceries on the way to hunting camp.  A young girl was checking us out and my cousin dumbs one and then slides out of the check out line.  Just as the checkout girl was scanning  a jar of pickles the smell got to her.  She put the jar of pickles to her nose, smelled them  and told me to get another jar because that one smelled spoiled.

My cousins wife, Debbie and I were dying with laughter and as luck would have it the check out girl laughed also when I told her what my cousin did.

[Pete McMiller]

My buddy and I were up on Lake of the Woods one of the last years that Ontario had a spring bear season.  When we arrived at camp we noticed that the camp dogs were covered in ticks including one that had swelled up to the size of a dime - the proverbial "Dime Tick".  Mid week we were in camp mid-morning doing chores.  I went outside and found the dog with the Dime Tick and very carefully pulled that tick off so it wasn't squished and the legs were still wiggling.  Went back in the cabin and saw that my buddy was preoccupied doing dishes, snuck up behind him and pinched him in the neck with my finger nails.  He yelped of course and spun around where I showed him the still very alive "Dime Tick" I had just "removed" from his neck.  The look of horror on his face was priceless.

[Gehrke145]

Man we've done some classics.  My favorite by far out here in the west is a rubber snake tied to a shed horn.  They pic up the shed all happy and all of a sudden a snake is after them in a hurry lol

[wooddamon1]

Some funny stuff here. Jon, that fart machine story cracked me up!

[USAFdad]

While elk hunting a couple of the guys found some discarded elk legs and made tracks around my brother in laws and my trailer. Then for  added freshness and realism they rehydrated some elk droppings in cooking oil and made a couple small piles.
After seeing nothing in two days my brother in law had a fit thinking the elk went right thru camp. He swore he was going to sit in his chair the next day and wait for them to come back.

[wooddamon1]

 Gotta be more great ones!

[alligatordond]

Found a road killed diamondback about 4 feet long. Brought it back and coiled outside the cook shack where everyone had to walk to dispose of their trash. I tied a piece of monofilament around the snakes neck and tied the other end to a propane tank across the path. One of the guests walked down the path, caught the mono with his leg thus pulling the rattler right at his calf. The more he jerked the more it struck him. The screaming was priceless. He knew he was a goner. He complained of chest pains later but he's ok.