Things you never want to hear.

[T Mowery]

Why do you have Rattle Snake rattles hanging out the top of your sleeping bag? Sure would not like that one.

[threeunder]

The first "paid" hunt I ever went on was down in South Carolina for hogs probably 15 years ago.
In this operation, we hunted out of tripod stands.  Shooting was only allowed from the stands.  It was the last day of the hunt and I was the only hunter who hadn't connected.
The guide and I were driving down the trail in a jeep well before daylight.  We got to within about 150 yards of my stand and there were two hogs rooting on the trail.
One was a very respectable boar that was a little under 200 lbs.  The other was truly a giant hog.  The guide put him at 350-375 lbs....I thought he was more like double that because he was just huge.  Just pure muscle.  He was not a barnyard escapee.  Pure, lean muscle that rippled with every movement.
Those two hogs wouldn't move out of the trail to let us pass.
The guide pulled the jeep up to the lesser of the two pigs and gently nudged it. It stepped to the side and started ambling off.
Next came the big guy.  He pulled the jeep up to nudge that one.  After he nudged that one, it was clear that this hog would have none of that! It turned around put its head under the bumper of the jeep and literally shook us silly.  Then turned around and went back to rooting right in the middle of the road.
The guide then turned to me as serious as he could be and said, "You get out right here and make your way up to that stand and you'll get a shot at that  hog at daylight."
I just said, "no thank you."  He took me to another stand.

[BowDiddle]

Guide - "Pat I gotta go poop"

Me - "Well go geter done, but please go downwind over yonder way about 200 yards."

Guide (he's back) - "Whew, that was a close one."

Me - "what the heck is that smell?"

Guide - "I don't know. I'm trying to figure out why my coveralls keep sticking to the back of my neck."

Me - "OMG !!!!!!!"

[S. Brant Osborn]

Boat captains  name was "Brant"

Some good laughs here guys.  How about this one that we have all heard at one time or another. "Uh Oh!". When you translate that for us southern folk it sounds like
"Awe S..T"

[wetfeathers]

"Dad, I don't want to be the decoy anymore."
 

[manfromthepast]

I was at a 3d shoot a number of years ago with a friend and his 12 year old son. The youngster pulled up and made a texas heart shot on the bull elk target and then turned around and exclaimed "Dad, I rumped him!". I told my friend that is the last thing you ever want your son to tell you, no matter the context.

[Marc B.]

Originally posted by BowDiddle:
Guide - "Pat I gotta go poop"

Me - "Well go geter done, but please go downwind over yonder way about 200 yards."

Guide (he's back) - "Whew, that was a close one."

Me - "what the heck is that smell?"

Guide - "I don't know. I'm trying to figure out why my coveralls keep sticking to the back of my neck."

Me - "OMG !!!!!!!"

         Everybody knows somebody who's done that..........I've never worn coveralls BTW!

[flyfisher76544]

One freezing cold morning by buddy has to go to the bathroom while we are out duck hunting. A little later on he comes back to our blind and starts to complain about his feet gettin cold. I didnt realize til later that he had forgot to grab the TP and used his socks.

[ChuckC]

I was at a ranch in South Texas years back, gonnna chase javies and pigs with Jeff Massie.

At the start, he gives a big speech and lines out the rules, one of which is "You must wear clothing while hunting". .   OK, so my next question is, is this a real problem down here ?

ChuckC

[ermont]

I went hog hunting about 15 years ago near Clayton NM. Texas hogs moving in way back then. We were using dogs as the hogs were all nocturnal. The dogs got on a hog, we followed. As we got within 50 yards the "guide" leans up close to me with 44 mag held up Dirty Harry style and says "I just want you to know I'm not responsible for your safety" and then the fun started.......

[Shinken]

As I was drawin' back my first rawhide-backed lemonwood longbow - about 52# @ 28" - for maybe its 500th shot...

I HEARD...

this little "tinkle-like" sound that sounded like it was originatin' in the upper limb, and then...

BAM-WHAM!!!

               

I had me a 3-piece longbow with a HUGE gash in the middle of my forehead with the juices freely flowin' out...

By the Grace of God everything else was still intact!  Amen.

I am still a little gun-shy of all-wood bows to this day - until I get to know them and make sure that they are fully broken in to my draw length.

Keep the wind in your face!

Shoot straight, Shinken

   

[Sockrsblur]

Wow, great stories!!! Thanks everyone

[VictoryHunter]

These are all great! Keep em comin.

[T-Bowhunter]

Great stories, thanks for sharing.

[blueslfb]

Hunting in Montana a couple years ago, I was within ear shot of my partner but could not see him as we were working a hot elk. When i hear "GO AWAY BEAR, GO AWAY BEAR!!! He was also yelling other things that I won't repeat and the next thing I hear is his 44mag barking and him running to me saying, "Lets hunt somewhere else!"
The bear came to the cow calls and got a little too close and he put a round between his paws.

[Roadkill]

Crossing a creek, solid for sure, craaack, and  I made myself 30 pounds lighter..... So much for supposedly frozen cteeks

[Stumpkiller]

Shinkin kind of beat me.

What you don't want to hear is "KA-RACK!"

Bow, arrow, tree-limb.  It's never good.

[Troy D. Breeding]

While on a scouting trip afew years ago I told my buddy "keep your eyes open, were in one of those areas where alot of rattlers have been seen."

I suggested we move slow and watch where we stepped.

After afew steps I noticed he wasn't tagging along. I turned and said "what's the matter? You scared of alittle snake?"

His reply said it all "not the little ones, but the BIG SOB my foot is on has me about to s#!# my pants".

He was right, his foot was right on the head of a 40" rattler!!!

Thank goodness he was too scared to lift his foot. One smooth swing of the mechette and I removed the rest of the snake from the head.

Never did get him to scout that area of the lease.

Troy

[SS Snuffer]

My son shot a bear in northern Minn. just before dark with a string tracker. It was dark, very heavy brush and swamp, on our hands and knees with no firearm just a mag-light. I was in the lead following the string when my son said "DAD THE STRING IS MOVING AGAIN".
Not what I wanted to hear!!!!  

[Walt Francis]

Your hunting buddy wins a whitetail hunt in west-central, Illinois and when you call the outfitter he says: "for another $1,500 we can put you on a stand where you can get a buck, but for an additional $2,500 we will put you in a stand that might produce a 125 P&Y buck".  We brought our own stands.

I will never forget Sues comment when we returned from the hunt empty handed "well.. you got what you paid for".