Bowhunting while going through the grieving process

[frassettor]

I'm aware this is a topic that  is very unorthodox but I need to reach out to my Tradgang brothers and sisters. I'm not going to go into details on a public forum but I will say this.
Just about a year ago my wife and I suffered a completely debilitating set of circumstances. Circumstances that I know we will never get over but we are trying to live and cope with.
I always shot my bows 4/5 days a week, hunted countless hours enjoying every second of it. Now it's the opposite, I have shot very little , and hunted ounce. The times I have shot, I can feel deep down that I still love to watch the arrow fly, but am unable to overcome life's curve ball.
Everyone has difficult times in their life and deals with them how they need to deal with them. What I am asking for advice is this...

During those tough times, how do you get out and enjoy the things you know you still do in regards to bowhunting and watching the arrow fly?  How has the outdoors helped you? I'm looking for suggestions that I may try.

[overbo]

I too have been going thru a rough time. I find the mountains a way for relief. There something about the wonder of wildlife that brings things to a much simpler place. Much like the simplicity of trad. archery. It takes me back when times seem less complicated.

If this is a true passion? Like enjoying any passion, it will help w/ your adversities.

[Kevin Dill]

From personal experience: Severe emotional pain makes it very difficult or impossible to feel the normal joy and happiness that goes with doing things we like. Doing those things may help to a degree, but often the emptiness just goes wherever we go. Hard to enjoy a steak when you have very little appetite for it. My experiences taught me that going afield was good, but it definitely does nothing to correct the cause of the emotional pain. Dealing with that root cause (however badly you don't want to face it) is the best and surest way to make progress. Don't be ashamed to grieve and express it, but know there is a point where living in never-ending grief is a death sentence for your happy times.

I don't consider my outdoor sporting life and adventures to be a cure for anything, but they can be an antidote or tonic for those times when life is wearing thin.

[northener]

I truly hope you and your family find comfort and peace.

For me, in difficult times I tend  to revert back to what brings me joy and that is the woods. I simple walk stump shooting and taking in gods creation heals my soul.

[meatCKR]

Richard,

Hang in there Brother. I don't know your circumstances but even if I did it would not matter cause no one knows what you are going through but you. I lost my wife of about 8 years to cancer back in 1993. It was such a debilitating event that I thought I would not survive it at times.  The one thing I hated most was folks with good intentions trying to tell me they knew how I felt - they did not.  And so I won't pretend to know how you feel.  All I will say is that I started over. I re-married and have two beautiful kids.  I look back now and say "I love my kids so much that I would change a thing in the past that would make them not be here." I now bowhunt with mu son and somehow I feel that Sandra (my former wife that passed) is looking on and would have it no other way.

Good luck to you my brother and I hope you find peace in your life's journey.

[ChuckC]

Read what Kevin said.  All the rest is a distraction at best.  You need to get past the main issue, and that takes time and effort. Often a lot of each.  

After that, the things you loved to do will still be there waiting for you.

ChuckC

[Eric Krewson]

I lost my wife to cancer a little over a year ago. Our thing was traveling to tournaments and camping. The first 3 or 4 times I pulled the camper to a tournament, set it up and sat there alone, I wanted to hook back up and go home, it was a sad time. Determined not to quit,I kept going to tournaments and on about tournament number 5, I had fun, #6 was a blast and I couldn't wait for the next one.

All I can say is you will never get over your tragedy but things will get better. Don't quit the things you once liked, you will like them again in time.

[Bill Carlsen]

Sometimes we make the mistake of waiting to feel better before we try to resume normal activities after a loss. I have found, that doing the things I used to love to do did not at all fulfill me during the grieving process. However, doing them is better than ruminating and in time, which varies with individuals, life generally will get back to normal. One professional proferred that I take a specific time of the day to grieve and then try to move on with normal life. It takes time and in time life will normalize and hopefully the loss will just become a bad memory and not an impediment. Don't be too hard on yourself but don't stop living, either. If you can manage going to work, making meals, doing chores, etc. you can find time to enjoy to some degree the things that you love. It will get better. God bless.

[Izzy]

I am sorry to hear of your troubles but it appears that you've been well advised by some fine tg'ers. Best wishes to you Buddy.

[b.glass]

I found shooting and other things of this form of archery that we enjoy so much to be a distraction at times when I just needed to stop thinking. My faith in God and traditional archery got me through what I'll never get over.

[Roughrider]

A loss of tragedy of any type needs a time of grieving, a time of healing, and a return to life as best as we are able.  We each process these things in different ways.

When I went through a divorce 11 years ago, after 26 years of marriage, first, I relied heavily on my faith in Christ and spent a lot of time in prayer and Bible study.  I found that shooting my bow and hunting, while at that time more of a chore than a pleasure, helped draw me back to the reality of life.  There are things I enjoy, life will continue, some areas of my life were still the same.  

For me, the turning point was when I considered that what happened, happened, it hurt, I didn't like it, but I had a choice to make:  I could continue to grieve, or like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, I could choose to rise up and make a new life. It took work, but it did work.

Today, I am far happier, far more satisfied, and have a better understanding and appreciation for life than I had - and a wonderful wife!  I wouldn't ask to go back through what I did then, but I did grow through the experience.

We each handle grief in our own way and on our own timetable.  I know it sounds trite and cold, but it won't always be like this.

[Tradcat]

I agree with rough rider... Faith,Family and Friends helped me go through the valleys of my life. Faith in Christ being the biggest factor. He said to "cast ALL your cares upon me". Hang in there brother... I'll be praying for you and your family

[Jedimaster]

My only advice is don't confused the two "G's": grieving & guilt.
It's almost impossible to go through tragic loss, or grievous circumstances, without dealing with questions like, "why them and not me?", "what should I have done different?", "what more could I have given?". However normal this response is, it is a guilt reaction, other creatures don't do this - only humans.   We begin to judge ourselves (in hindsight) which always shows our own inadequacy bringing more guilt ... and guilt is much more debilitating than grieving alone.
It is good, right and necessary to grieve. But grief doesn't make you feel "bad" for enjoying your life. That's what guilt does. I personally dealt with this after the passing of my brother. The "what if's" and "what I should've done's" could've killed me  ... then I realized that I was not honoring my brother ... I was dwelling in my loss, my tragedy, my loneliness. He would want me to live, to smile, to love each moment as he surely would.
I don't pretend to know your circumstance or the burden you bare but please, for your sake and those who love you, don't let guilt be a part of your grief. It will rob you of all joy.
Remember, we only get to do this once, there are no do-overs, so to the best of your ability, within the circumstances you've been given, LIVE.

[katman]

Richard, my wife and I suffered a terrible and very painful loss. It took a lot of time to learn to live with it and enjoy doing things. The hurt is still there and always will be. You are not alone in going thru a very tough situation. We decided we where not going to let this ruin our lives and worked thru it. Keep doing the things you loved and don't be afraid to get professional help.

[awbowman]

May seem too easy but only God can bring you through this.  You have to have hope in his grand plan.

Having said that, anything that takes you to a place where you can contemplate on God's love is a good thing.  Bowhunting is not spiritual, thinking of God is.

[mangonboat]

Richard, from a purely clinical perspective, depression is a normal part of grieving, and ahedonia, the inability to enjoy things you would normally enjoy, is a normal part of depression. Archery , especially if you were shooting and hunting mostly alone, is a solitary activity that can have a Zen-like quality when your mind is at peace but, from personal experience when I was going through a very difficult stressful time, nothing was harder to find than a peaceful mind  while sitting alone with my thoughts in a treestand, and even now I have to avoid reading my work email before I go out to shoot in the mornings...the upset will infringe on my relaxation and focus with a bow in my hand. Try to engage in activities that involve other people and which require focus on an external challenge...chess, volunteering with Habitat for Humanity doing framing, bowling with friends, etc. Find a local archery club and go to a shoot where you can spend more time socializing and swapping stories about bows,hunting trips,   potluck game dinners, etc, and don't worry about accuracy. Hang in there!

[Owlgrowler]

Takes time. It doesn't heal all wounds, but they will eventually scab over. The scar will always be there, but I have found the pain to subside greatly.

All the worlds' leaders should spend time in a treestand, I've solved every problem from ebola to immigration this fall. Not a good place to be if all you can focus on is grief. I think I would try all the great suggestions above and maybe something that takes ALL your focus. For me it would be nymph-fishing for trout. Or if I was younger downhill skiing. Good Luck. Talk about it with somebody and , speaking from experience here, don't self medicate too much.

[frassettor]

I appreciate all of the replies, thank you. I always put my priorities 1st.

God
Family
Archery

[TGbow]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I would encourage you to keep doing the things you normally enjoy, even though it seems difficult to enjoy during trying times.

6 years ago I lost my baby boy and if not for Christ the Lord and my faith in him, I dont know where I'd be. He is the ultimate healer.
God bless you during this hard time.

[Cwilder]

Anytime I have troubles in my life I always look to the woods as my get away or grabbing my bow and slinging some arrows.